11.16.2009

I QUIT!

I QUIT - I can't take the stresses placed on me by my family, my work and just the damn overall environment.

For the first time in months, I had terrible chest pains last night. It took 45 minutes to get them down to a point I could go to sleep. What made it worse is that I woke up about 2 something in the morning with a mild case of chest pains. That only took 10 minutes to fully get over (I think).

I have a better conversation with my Dad today (even though he does say some really crazy stuff - see below), than I did with my wife yesterday.

My wife ends up telling me she is "Grumpy" and it is okay for her to be that way when talking with me - lovely. So no matter how I feel or what I need to talk with her about, I hold back because I don't want the conversation to go badly. I do not know if she maybe grumpy, angry, pissed, moody, sneezey or dopey when I call her now. I mean, I am actually ending the conversations before we have finished what the call was about. It is hard to try to make decisions while both parties are 1100 miles apart and have no communication.

Now my Dad's conversations get a little whacked. As an example, he said the issues my family is having is because we are "Anti-Christian" (we are Pagan - ie: do not believe in any specific god and follow the life cycles of nature). He is worried for our son because he has not been baptized yet -he was going to secret him away and get him baptized one day. Remember your Bible Study days, he who is not baptized will not be allowed through the Gates of Heaven - LOL - whatever! Now my wife would of taken this as a personal attack on her family. I know my Dad is just taking out loud on concerns he has and thus she takes things too much to heart when it is not meant that way.

He is actually showing remorse for everything that happened and wishes he could take back what did transpire (though my wife will just say "Fuck You, you Old Bastard"). Of course, she will also say that I am taking "His" side of the issue when in fact I am taking no sides. I am just trying to be a happy family again.

Maybe it is the fact that me and her are 11 years apart in age. I see things in a different perspective than she does and it leads to a huge misunderstanding at times. If we keep dwelling on "what was" and not "what can be", then there is no hope.

We need to learn the lessons of the Past, but not live in the Past. So for the future, no more living with relatives, no matter how great it sounds.

Now for the torrid rebut from my love assistant, I mean my wife.

Shit - chest is starting to hurt again - dammit!

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