There was a theme that kept repeating itself with me one day last week, so I thought I'd at least blog about it.
Connections - between people, relationships, life overall.
How we connect to others, the differences between our real life friends/family and those we meet through the Internet, whether it be a friend of a friend on facebook, sites like goodreads or even a blog. Face to face conversations typically are better, because you can see the others expressions, read their body language, maybe even pick up on their energy. Phone conversations, you can hear the tone of voice and the implied intent (maybe). Emails, postings, comments, it's not as easy for most people. For those of us who basically read to stay sane, might have a better grasp of the the intent behind those since we are used to getting the implied thoughts/intents/etc from the characters in the books we read. But an author uses a lot of words to get those to us. Whereas our friends, family and who its are typically not as adroit with that. However, even those well read of us can easily misinterpret something or read a completely different intention behind words.
Words are a powerful, powerful and amazing thing. I don't think everyone always quite remember exactly how powerful they are. Written, spoken, all hold this potency to share the most of a person.
So connections. I feel like a lot of us are disconnected. From each other, from ourselves. We blame it on work/lack of work, stress, bad drivers, other people being assholes, etc. We don't really look at the root cause of our disconnection. A lot of the time, we do it to ourselves. We don't want to deal with the pain, or pain in the ass, time spent looking at our self - deeply enough - to see what's going on, what we really want/think. Because we don't, then we don't look at others deeply enough either.
As a parent, and because my mother was lacking in looking at me for who I was, I have been pretty vigilant regarding my son. (Disclaimer: The last 2 months have been an exception in that I haven't been as deeply involved as I would like - still involved though). From day one, I paid attention to what he liked/didn't like, what made him happy. I watched how he responded. To everything. As he's gotten older, he's gone through some stupid shit with school. Teachers can be amazing, or really fuck up your kid. Some kids deal better with bully situations than others. My kid is pretty damn amazing, in that we've been able to teach to him and make it stick, several important things. (that might be another, lighter, blog post). My point is, I paid attention and still do. He's a tween now, lots and lots of changes going on.
I think if I paid as close attention, to myself, both before and during my marriage, I think my life would have been different. Of course, very few young adults are adept at this - but what if we taught out kids to be?? What if, it was part of growing up, we learned to better question ourselves, friends, everything? What if, we didn't just say sink or swim? I am not saying all my choices would have changed, but I might have acted sooner or went in a slightly different direction - instead of ignoring myself.
So connections. Now we have massive amounts of distractions. TV, internet - facebook, email, goodreads, games, twitter, and whatever the newest thing is - and so much more. Plus normal every day life. News of what's going on around us and in the world. SO MUCH. Worries about work, money, kids (if you have them yet or are trying for them). How are supposed to really function, whole and let's hope happily, if we can't even think about our self without cringing or ignoring the questions altogether. So many of us are screwed up from our parents (and that's not to say we can't overcome many of those issues, or not that we're aware and work on them) but it's just more thing to deal with. And those of us who aren't aware of why we're fucked up, well damn, that just gets them more lost and possibly more damaged. However, maybe if we had less distractions all the time, just maybe we might be more whole.
A vacation only last so long and it's right back to the cycle again.
That's all not to say, that this hasn't been "normal" or "typical" for people for a very long time. I just seem to think that maybe, might be, that if we weren't as distracted - we might pay attention. Attention to ourselves, our loved ones, to the things the genuinely matter.
So connections. Some connections are worth more than others. Perfect strangers (like Aunt Becky, who's blog I love) might have some damn powerful words that make me want to fucking hug her, or somebody close by that won't wig out on me. Or like SkyddsDrake and AlexisAR I've met through blogging, who I would love to just chill and hang out with if we ever met. Or like some of the people I have "friended" on facebook over the years, because damn it, they just think like me and post cool shit. I am making new connections and keeping/losing old ones and it will always be changing. Change is good though - for the most part.
If it makes you happy, or smile or laugh. That connection is worth it. If it makes you think, feel deeply or want deeply. The connection is worth it.
If the connection makes you want to run screaming from the building, so not worth it. If you find yourself angry, frustrated and miserable (with no change in sight), probably not worth it.
Connections are all about communication. Communication, for us humans, is part of our life blood. We are social creatures. Yes, there might be a few of us scattered that are truly happy away from others, but those are few and far between and usually because something traumatic has happened. So, we talk and write and talk tons more. We communicate through the physical, hugs, kisses, hand holding, back rubbing, and everything else. We need that. Haven't there been studies done of kids with lots of physical love vs. others that had little to none? It makes a huge difference. So why do we stop it as we grow older? Why do we let those few in society dictate or direct what the majority of everyone else should be doing?
We need to learn to value our communications/connections within ourselves and others. We need to live more, share more, be more.