Awesome conversation

 So I had to call my cell company, because I had called France to cancel a trip and got billed $246 for the conversation, which honestly wasn't even worth it because the deposit I got back was $149. 

Anyways, I called and spoke with this super nice lady about it and we were talking and I don't even know how the subject came up but we start talking about hysterectomies and menopause and periods and the next thing I know I am giving her all kinds of information and verbiage and reddits to check out. Because seriously, women's health is critical and it's not validated enough when a woman says she wants something so that her life is better.

It was a good conversation and it felt good to be able to share information, experiences and resources.

Yes, I did get a partial credit on my expensive phone call to France, thankfully it will help with that sting.

More family drama - wild but funny

 Ok, so about a decade ago My dad contacted me because the mother of my brother's child needed help (I think they were married. I'm not really sure. They might have been married at this point still. Who fucking knows) Anyways, she had shingles, and she was unable to watch my nephew. It was just too hard, too painful and granted shingles can really kick your ass. 

So I had agreed to take him, and I told my dad this was going to be hard financially, cause I was at that point divorced and a single mom trying to take care of a house and everything else. My dad would give me some money to help, but it wasn't a lot, just whatever he could afford. I ended up submitting paperwork to the state and got some financial help that way too.

They put him on a plane and flew my nephew to me. I had to pick him up at the airport -  special, you know, rules apply when there's a minor traveling by himself and my nephew at the time was about nine years old. 

So definitely minor and definitely had someone walking with them. I had to show my ID that I was picking him up all of that. 

I take him and he lived with me three to six months I think. It wasn't very long. It wasn't long enough, to really help him. But during that time, it was rough because I'm a very different person than his mom. I'm a very different person than his dad, my brother. I got him into school. Bought him clothes, shoes, whatever he needed. I got him into summer camp that summer before I had to send him back as well (thanks to the help of the State). 

But during that year or that time frame that I had him, he lost weight because he was eating healthy and eating home cooked meals. He was having fun. We went on hikes. We went to my boyfriend's house and he had two kids and we would go to movies or a park. We took him to the local fair/circus. It wasn't anything that big. But we got to see cool, neat stuff. He had his own room in my house. He got to play like Pokémon cards with one of our cousins and just be a kid. So it wasn't like anything bad in any way, shape or form.

 And his mom used to call almost daily and tell him that she really wants him to come home and all this stuff. Now she would literally tell me the opposite. You know, she was happy that I was watching him and helping her out and thankful that I was able to step in and take care of him because she couldn't. And then I handed the phone over to my nephew, and she would tell him that she can't afford to live without him, that she needs money from state/child support and that he needs to come home. And so this poor kid is 9 going on 10 and seriously conflicted. And at one point he literally said to me, he knows his dad loves him more, but that his mom can take better care of him. And we had a lot of conversations while he was with me but that one was painful. 

So summer comes up and I had him in summer camp. He's been in summer camp a couple weeks and this is the kind where you drop him off and pick him up the same day type of camp. Finally I guess her shingles was over and she wanted him to come home. And I remember talking to my dad saying I have no legal rights to this kid even though I did go through the state and try to submit all the legal stuff done because there in the beginning she was absolutely giving up rights to him, she had told me she could not take care of him and needed someone else to.

I should look up those court records online... they could never find her to respond because no one knew where she was living anyways. Back to it, she finally says she wants some home and I'm like OK I literally pack up all his stuff all the clothes I bought him all the clothes he came with everything. packed it up in this massive duffel bag checked it you know got him onto a plane and back to his mom.  The only negative thing I had heard before is that she said I sent him home with nothing, which is absolutely not true. 

I find out now 10 years later that she told him I kidnapped him. Are you fucking kidding me - that I kidnapped him. No, no, I did not kidnap him. That is the most insane thing ever. I was trying to help someone in my family because they're in a situation with their health and somehow now I'm a fucking kidnapper. Absolutely not, this annoys me so much because it is the most ridiculous thing ever. Ever.

A little bit of family history

You ever get a random thought and decide to do an internet search?

I found out he was a Pvt in the US Army, served in WW 2. He and Grandma got married 9-20-1945 and my Dad was born 6-2-46. He was 28 and Grandma 19 when my Dad was born. Wow.

Born: April 19, 1918, Died December 11, 1984 in Harris, Texas. He was only 66 years old. So young.

He's buried at Houston National Cemetery, plot I478.

We never knew him. I was told that him and my Grandma divorced when my Dad was 2, because he went to jail and she didn't think he would be out anytime soon. That was in 1948 for perspective. I have no idea if that's true. But I kinda think it is, because the man she married after him, I was told, was abusive and she was with him for a long time (until he passed I think). She was a stay at home mom, who did genealogy for about 30 years and published a book on it before she passed. She was married a total of 3 times. I only met her like 5 times while growing up.

I know we have traits that get passed down, and it's wild/weird when you do something or look like someone and have never known them or anyone on that side of the family. It's a bit of a, 'where did this come from', and you won't know due to situations like this.

I've always wondered if he had another family or more kids or was at least happy in his life. From what I know, he didn't remarry or have more kids. I hope he was able to be happy and enjoy what years he was alive. 

The weather is turning beautiful

 It's been at that utopia type of weather, sunny but not too hot or cold, literally the perfect kind of day. I know it's only a short moment at Spring/Summer and Summer/Fall that it happens, but I absolutely love it.

I hope it lasts a little bit longer. I know during the summer I'll be bringing an extra shirt for those hot sweaty days!!

But for now, I am living in it as much as I can :) Screw the pollen counts.

New Arm Tattoo - A cover up

 This is the before and with it partially removed. I've had this tattoo for a long time, probably close to 20 years, and I actually wasn't happy with it right after it was done. The image that was used for inspiration was just prettier and the tattooist that had done it just didn't jive with it I don't think. And honestly, if anything, that is my fault. I should have waited for a different artist, but I was so excited to get work done (my husband at the time was ok with the expense and I know that partially played into how fast I wanted to get it done, I didn't want to waste the opportunity).

So about 5 years ago I started to get it removed, enough that another artist could cover it up. I've had a 1,001 ideas of what to put there. Ranging from mermaids to a Celtic woman warrior, Disney villians, I mean a whole range of options.

Then I was like, you know. I just want something bold and beautiful and vague enough I won't have to explain it if I am wearing a tank top.

So here it is, the end result and beginning of the session.

I will say it's absolutely beautiful. I made me realize that I don't look at my body enough and I knew my arms are big (weight gain/loss fun) but I felt the body dysmorphia hard the other day. And still do to be honest, like I know what my weight is and I know the direction I am moving in is a healthier and better one. It's just...painful. All of it.

My brain is still wrapping around how big it is, the tattoo and my arms, and I am healing way differently than I have in the past. I've never had bruising before! The shock of getting old!

I do think I want to add a bee to this. Maybe something else, depending. That just means I need to keep saving money in the meantime!

Wowza the time has flown by

 It's been a hot moment since I've written. I don't know if that's good, bad or not anything to be honest.

Hysterectomy is done and gone, been over a year now. SOOOO many things with that, ok not the surgery directly, that went perfectly smooth. The whole HRT and menopause stuff is a bit annoying to say the least. That will be another post I'm sure.

The baby Jessie had is now an adorable toddler. Wish I got to see him more.

Still miss my son, but I love that I talk to him so much and we are going to visit him next year. That will be a bloody awesome trip! We are going to Disneyland Paris while there and so we've been looking into the different restaurants and things to do while there. I am submitting my passport here shortly for that. Going to France and the UK will be very exciting! I've only been outside the country once, and that was via a cruise. 

Baking  - now there seems my forte. Cheesecake, lemon bars, cookies. I sent close to 400 cookies to Raven for his shop. I've made Bailey's Cheesecake, Strawberry Cheesecake, Lemon (with lemon curd) Cheesecake and Pumpkin Pie Cheesecake. Mini, full size - cupcake size. Lemon bars are still a big fan favorite. Raven said my cookies helped morale and that's honestly the best feeling ever.

I feel like there are a 1,000 things to write about and I keep getting stuck and not being able to put a word down. 

I am crocheting a lot more. Have several blankets done and working on more <3 I do love crocheting blankets and things for people. I am also hoping to have a few saved for Raven/Jessie/whoever in the future for when I can't crochet anymore.

Ok, good first post in a long time. I want to write more often again. 

It's a lot like busy - to the tune of holiday music

 Work has been increasingly busy! Life has been catching up too! Between my surgery coming up, Jessie having the baby and helping out on the weekends and work just becoming this pretty non-stop daily thing, I am exhausted.

Exhausted.

Oh and lets add in some of those fun perimenopause symptoms coming around, with sleep being more elusive and some of mood swings are back.

But! I just did have my last fucking period!! That is so amazingly awesome and I just can't stop grinning every time I think about it. I am excited for this surgery - don't get me wrong, I understand there is going to be bit of a long recovery in general and that life will instantly be turned upside down - BUT things should even out (I need to contact my GP about HRT probably now) and things/life will be better. It's not just preventative, it's also quality of life for the next 10 years. Keep your fingers crossed I don't lose my mind and change all kinds of life options in the wrong ways.

Also, the holidays are literally right around the corner. Thanksgiving is next week and then it's surgery and then Christmas/Yule. It's just a lot! And with all these surgeries and health things this year, I will need a 2nd job to pay off this debt sooner rather than later. That will be a fun thing to figure out once I am out of the healing stage.

I think I have 90% of my gift shopping done. It's hard to make some decisions on what to get things for someone you love/care about and not make it too silly or unnecessary.

Oh and I am going to keep working on losing weight. I'd like to lose another 30 lbs in the next 6 months. Not sure how realistic that is with my hormones going off the rails here shortly, but I have hope and persistence. I want to lose 5 lbs before surgery, plan on re-doing the liquid diet I did for my last one. The first 3 days were the worst but after that it was livable. 

My cat Diego, who is 16 going on 17, is on thyroid meds and his kidneys are just barely starting to show some signs of potential issues, per the $355 vet visit last week. 

I miss my son.

Holding a baby is both therapeutic and amazing.

I need to cut my hair, clear off my nail polish and clean the shower. These are things that are on my mind on a regular, if not daily basis, but have yet to do them in that last 30 days. I have no idea why I am delaying, but none of them will take long to get accomplished. 

I have one more thing to fill out for the surgery too, a listing of everything I am taking (which is a website site and if I could be smart and get it done at work that would be fine but I feel like I need to get it done at home where are my things are...it's weird. Why is it so weird?)

See, it's all a bit of a cluster. I am spinning and throwing darts and hitting some targets but not all of them. And a lot of them are important targets.

I need to start using my planner, it was so helpful before and I got away from it because the routine, was well established routine. But right now so many things are shifting again. 

Also, people put their heads on pillows...not their feet. It would be nice not to use a pillow as a foot rest, especially without socks, all over a pillow that someone might be sleeping on later. I mean, ew. Ew. Granted, if your foot is injured and it's being elevated, that's one thing. No, this is just pushing bare feet against a pillow that is on the floor for some reason. Why is it on the floor? Why the need to put naked feet on it? Are those feet clean? It's just...ew. How am I going to clean this pillow now?? It's a larger one so damn.

In other news, it got freaking cold outside!  Which is both nice and annoying, as I really do that utopia temperature of 70 degrees with a crisp breeze or light wind. Winter is just around the corner and it will hopefully being a safe one and nothing too dramatic.

And I have also confirmed that I can not eat a lot of sugar in one sitting. It makes me nauseous and my stomach was not happy. I got hot. I was literally working in the garage without a jacket or my vest (I love my vest) to cool off which thankfully helped. Oh another thing happened a couple weeks ago. I must have drank water too close to eating because my mouth was just filling, FILLING, with salvia. It was a bit wild. So definitely do not drink within 20-30 minutes of eating, especially a meal that makes you full. 

Ok, I think my brain has run away enough for the evening. I need to get to bed and sleep a happy deep sleep.