Edging to closer to holidays!

 Next week is Thanksgiving. It's one of the first time in the last few years that we are not going to my BF's parents house - but it's due to Covid-19 and honestly I much rather not be responsible for someone else getting sick and potentially dying. So. This means I am cooking a bit more and only for about 3 people. I am happy my niece will be there! I am actually looking forward to a quieter holiday season. I am not spending as much money on other people, just trying to calm down my poor credit card debt (I can't help but laugh, because I freaking love to shop). 

And seriously, I am missing my kid something fierce. He is still stuck at his tech school, waiting to head to his FDS. Hopefully he gets to head to that before Xmas. I miss his hugs so much. Oy.

We got the bathroom painted - I will try to get pics uploaded soon. Planning on getting the dinning room, foyer and living room done this holiday season if possible. I don't honestly want to even think about the kitchen, that one seems like a bitch and half...maybe if it's clean enough it can pass? Upstairs, the 2 bedrooms should be easy enough to paint. What it really is, is all the freaking prep work. The cleaning, taping off, cutting in, etc. 

But, as I keep reminding myself, it will be worth it. I want to downsize my house/home. I would like a rancher in the future and preferably a house not as big. It's just me and Mike in the foreseeable future. His kids are almost all grown, mine is adulting in awesome ways. And I can pay off majority of my debts with the sale of the house. All good stuff. 

The future beckons. Good, happy options are available. I am excited about moving towards that :)

But first! Thanksgiving! Then Yule and Christmas and then New Years. So much going on!! Well, ok, sorta - because, again, Covid is not a friend and it's been getting worse and what's going on is all inside my house hahahahaha.

A lot of little things

Ok, so life is all over the place lately.

Since I am now officially divorced (YAY) I can legally change my last name. Now, first I must got to Social Security to do this, then the DMV and after that, it's everything from my bank accounts/credit cards, to house/car titles to ordering new checks to work and anything I've ever used my married last name for (like LinkedIn). I need to make a fucking list.

I am also in the process of opening an IRA account for the money that is from the Ex per the divorce. Who knew that can take such a process, and don't you know, it's smarter to wait until my name is changed.

My nephew's mother is a piece of work and is now stating she can't raise her son, again. I have no idea what's going to happen, I just know that last time is was painful and hard to change our lives into a new family when we took him. Got him fit, changed his outlook, started really teaching him positive things and then she demanded him back 4 months later. And not even 2 months goes by and she's all - I was wrong to take him back. I told her (and everyone) that he has to go into the foster care system. That she has to really give him up. Because I am not a yo-yo and this poor kid has already been too through to fucking much to keep on doing shit to him. And if I could be his foster mom, that is better than informal kinship without much help. Ugh. And honestly, right now, that's sadly a big IF. He's a great kid, in that he can be a great kid. He's a smart mouth, a know-it-all, and exhausting. He deserves better than he's gotten, but I can't change the past. I don't even know if I can help him now. Until you raise someone else's kid, you have no idea how different and hard it is. How much you change and sacrifice and at the end of it still feel like whatever you do won't matter...he has the gene's of my drug addict/alcoholic brother and his always-theVictim/NoResponsibility-manipulative mother.  That is a tall fucking order. But wait, let me know rearrange my whole life (again) and possibly damage my relationship and hope my 13 yo son isn't a constant prick, because I'm the only one available. That makes me feel awesome, not. I'm already a single parent. I remember lots of time crying in the shower because I was so stressed. I know that part of that was IN PART because he really thought this was temporary (and oh look it was) and he didn't see the point of making a connection. I have no idea if he's going to make a connection. Who wants to raise someone who doesn't WANT to connect with you. That hurts. Why, again, would I want to do that??????? Because he's my nephew? My brother's son? Because it's not his fault his parents are assholes and he's gotten the shaft for the last 9 years? I just don't know...

My son is 13, and his hormones are like a permanent case of PMS. I never know when he's going to have a melt down, which includes throwing a 5'8" sized temper tantrum, cussing and yelling, stalking off and slamming doors and then crying. And then apologizing for being a dickhead. Ugh.

And throwing a traumatized 9 year old into that? Ugh.

And trying to get house/home/yard cleaned, organized, anything on top of that? LOL. I need more energy it seems. Or something.

School starts Wednesday.

I was contemplating going back to college, actually get a degree.

At least I am getting my period still, on a regular basis. For over a year now. That says something to me in a very profound way.

I think for right now, I am going to keep my goals small. Keep my life simple. I only want complicated in the books I read.

I have a lot of thinking to do.

I am looking forward at least to a couple things. The Maryland Renaissance Festival and a mini vacation to Myrtle Beach.