Why am I the keeper of ashes

 When my Dad passed, almost 4 years ago, I was the only one out of my siblings that had my own place and had the money and ability to get my Dad cremated and take his ashes. Because let's be real, my brothers David and John, along with my nephew David Jr, were all living with my Dad. As was my niece and sister. Damn, now that I write that literally the majority of my family was living with him. 

Anyway, when he passed, the situation was:

David Sr was basically bed bound, his kid David Jr. was the one getting him food/cigarettes/etc. He was working side jobs and supposedly helping my Dad with his business. John was randomly helping my Dad with the business, a lot of the physical items and packaging. My sister was in the hospital and the Monday after my Dad died became a ward of the state. My niece was working 2 jobs to help pay the bills and keep them surviving. I don't know if David Jr was doing anything. Well other than getting high.

It's just kinda crazy, the whole thing. 

So then my brother, David, died last month. And for a multitude of reasons, I was once again the one who could afford and ability to coordinate (this time from 3,000 miles away) his cremation. Also again, lucky me (sarcasm this time) to be the keeper of his ashes.

My brother John, lives in a homeless shelter. My nephew David Jr (his son), is homeless and I have no idea where he is anymore. Diane is still a ward of the state.  

Cemetery (from Greek κοιμητήριον, "sleeping place") 

It's just...I know that being the youngest typically means I wouldn't be the one handling this stuff in the "average" or "normal" family situation, until I was the last one I suppose. But I guess I've been the lucky one in that I've been more stable, with jobs and life in general. But damn, this shit is exhausting. It really fucking is. I am tired of this stupidity that my family keeps living through. At what point can they make better decisions and just stop this horrendous cycle of asininity.

So, here is what is left of my brother. A $90 urn and his ashes and bits. 

If you shake it a little, you can hear the bits rattle. Very weird.

Damn, I miss my Dad.

Lots of Attempting(s)

I've been wanting to write for the past few days but every time I start a draft I sorta just stare at it listlessly and then shuffle off to pretend to work.

So I am attempting to get past this.

Let's see.

Last night was a pretty good night. Me and the kid did our homework together :) I am somewhat annoyed over the fact he is not doing his classwork in Science and Social Studies (and sometimes English) but I am not in the classroom and have no idea what is going on. I explained, again, why good grades are important. He did say that he liked us doing that together (cranky mommy aside I suppose) and wants to do it again tonight (because, he has MORE stuff he hasn't finished).

I will have to remind him I have a Band Boosters meeting tonight :(

Class started for me, it's different since it's all online. I will be attempting to keep the snark out of any forum replies I think. It's a challenge, let me tell you ;)

This past weekend was good. We are watching Walking Dead since I've never had the chance to watch it. Freaky and awesome!!

While on vacation, I gained a few pounds. Not shocking I suppose! It was only like 4 lbs but I will be happy when I get them back off and then the attempt to go another 9 lbs after that. I am also attempting to cut back in sugar in a couple things. Mainly coffee and tea. So, the coffee is creamer only (I can drink it and I don't gag so there you go) and the tea, well. I haven't even used honey. I can tell you that I am learning to appreciate the actually taste of my teas more - without them having that sweet over taste to things - but it's an adjustment! One of the teas I am drinking is Spearmint tea, it's supposed to help women who have PCOS deal with hirsutism. Which, let me tell you, is not the most fun thing in the world. I am soooo tired of having to pluck daily. Granted, it's not a huge amount (some women get it bad :(  ) but still, you are always wondering - is there a stray whisker or hair some place that that person is staring at????

My period is not due until the 14th at the earliest and more likely the 16th but I have been having fun PMS stuff going on. Breaking out, back pain, sore boobs. Oh the joys!!

I have been having a hard time just getting up in the mornings. My bed is all warm and warm and who wants to go to work when you are snuggled in? Then again, I have Tiamet annoying the hell out of me in the mornings because, damn it, she wants food!! Which she has no problems expressing for a solid 20 minutes. Love her, but I kinda got the point in the first time :)

I think with the season finally starting to show itself (yay, it's been chilly!!) my body is doing this whole wonky dance of things. I have been craving Tortilla soup, for instance. And I want avocados more. I want to get my yard prepped for next spring and take care of some tree limbs before winter sets in fully. Finances are tight though, which is to be expected and I'm not stressing over them, but tight is still tight. Suffice it to say I will be spending more time watching the DVR shows and crocheting!! Oh and more cooking :) I want to learn how to make a good beef stew and some yummy country biscuits and and and. I probably have a wee bit of ADD with this stuff!!

So much is going on, with the Kid's band, work and life in general. Sometimes I like at the calendar and it's nice to see if full of awesome things. Other times I wonder if I can squeeze in a nap somewhere :)

My birthday is coming up. I will be taking the day off from work. Reading, making lasagna and some form of dessert. A couple friends are going to stop by in the evening. I just want a quiet and happy moment to savor. I feel like re-organizing some stuff too.

I need to put up my Halloween decorations too. Maybe this weekend :)

Freaky Friday

Halloween - I had me some trick or treaters! I must say, this is the first year, like EVER, that I have RUN OUT OF CANDY!! And it was only about an hour into it! OMFG. And and and! The kids were nice and polite and their parents were with them and my neighborhood ROCKED it last night!

Ok.

Whew. It was just awesome. AWESOME!!!

I started watching a movie, but got tired and had to record it. I will finish watching it at some point. Maybe Saturday night. Because - tonight - I has a date :) Going to the movies - and it's been forever since I've done that (let alone at night!!) so I am really excited!!

I do have some errands and things to do this weekend...

I need to take back some of the clothes I got in from JC Penny. One dress I am going to give to one of my bff's though, hoping she can wear it this coming summer. That one was ordered off of Amazon, and I am not shipping anything to China, sorry. Besides, the 2 things I got from China were cheap enough I can either give away or see if I can re-sell on eBay or Amazon or something.

I need to vacuum upstairs, since that's the only thing I haven't done. Oh and then organize my office and FILE THE DAMN PAPERWORK I have sitting out. Ahem. I'm a tad bit annoyed at myself over that.

Take back the books I'm not reading to the library. May as well...

Oh and maybe paint. I don't know...I am feeling pretty tired today. Pret-ty tired. I think I might sleep in on Saturday, make breakfast for lunch and then take a nap. Sounds like a good plan to me!!

So, it seems that my screen on my old phone needs to super damned small screw driver to take the screws out. Annoying. I need to now order that. But! Oh!! The Kid's cell phone has been found! So the Great Cell Search of 2013 was a success :)

Ok, time to go clean up some shelves at work. Good times. Sure....

Exhaustive but wonderful Weekend

Can you believe it's already Tuesday??

Friday night was the football game, and I think my ass is still thawing out! I was a chaperon and it wasn't that exciting. But it totally brought back memories of HS Band!! I did take a lot of pictures of the band though. I need to download those and send them to the band director.

We got home kinda late, my brain was friend and the Kids more so.

Saturday, go up late, made pancakes and eggs, cleaned a little bit and then that afternoon was back at the school for the Mummers Parade. Which was a lot of fun and boredom at the same time. Once I dropped him off, I went and parked at the library and just hung out, waiting, for others to show up and the parade to start. Oh and yeah, the Kid ate something like 20 of the pancakes!! Talk about prepping for a long day!

And it was cool watching the parade!

After seeing the Kids band go by, it was time to get something to eat, since I was starving!! So we got Chinese. We were just leaving when the Kid called and said he was back early. We swung by and got him and headed home.

Sunday, the kids slept in late. I mean, it was close to 1 pm by the time the Kid was sorta up. And he said he wasn't hungry, which I think is BS especially considering how much he ate the day before! But damn it, he wanted pumpkin pie it seems. So we head out, go to a corn maze and have a lot of fun :) I take more pictures and we meander our way back home with a couple stops along the way. One being dinner, where he ate literally 3 hamburgers and 1 hotdog. OMG, seriously, that's a growth spurt in the making I think. We also did some grocery shopping on the way home. And it was laundry Sunday and Monday night. And sweeping and dishes and it never, ever, fucking ends! The cleaning!! I like a lot of it to be honest. I just wish it wasn't every single time I turned around!!

In other news: The gas company has been doing construction around my neighborhood and it seems that my house is on their list. So Thursday they will be replacing the pipe line and meter. The guy said it should only take the 1 day. He had a lot of piercings, which was cool. I don't know about replacing gas lines, but as long as everything is safe, and my house isn't destroyed, I'm good with it.

I've been feeding a stray cat. Last night, I think he wanted to come in. Now, I don't mind feeding him, but he's not coming in with his fleas and gods only know what else. Plus, I have my hands full with 4 cats, 2 of whom are sick and 1 will probably end up on a slow downward spiral :( Poor Puck. I've been giving him the antibiotics, which he does not seem to appreciate. And that shit was expensive. Oh, that was another thing I had picked up Saturday morning! See, busy fucking weekend!!

Ok, so stray cat...I put out a towel but I was told that probably won't help, because a 32 degree towel is about the same as 32 degree floor. Good point. So, I will just be washing that and figuring something else out. It was also suggested that a light bulb does put off heat, and that might be a good idea. I like it :) Sometimes even 10 degrees can mean life. Now, if there is some major snow storm or something, I guess I could open the cellar and keep the light on or something. With food and water. I don't know...too much to deal with.

This weekend, I am hoping to paint the office and get a curtain up in that window. I am also seriously considering swapping out the hardware for the curtains in some of the rooms too. I think I will need help with that. I also want to at least see about getting the paint for my room as well. I've sorta decided on a color, if I can match it somehow at Home Depot (I have this beautiful blue moonstone ring, LOVE the blue). I am going to the movies Friday night :) Which is quite exciting!!

Hmmm, I really this this weekend is about getting more of the house done and in order. A good feeling, especially if I can get this accomplished before my vacation. Oh and I think I've gotten everything for the vacation (at least clothes wise) which is a relief.

Ok, time to sign off and go search for the Kids cell phone. Will explain that one later!!

Monday Madness = Body Sore and multiple various things

Friday night was sorta rough. I attempted to move the kids room into an ordered chaos (ie, everything away from the walls with enough room to paint them) and also attempted to put painters tape around things like windows or doors. Yeah, that was somewhat successful. All the while half way drunk on JD Honey Whiskey (yum!) because it was Friday night and damn it, I wanted a drink.

Saturday, I got up late Saturday morning (see JD Honey Whiskey above), did the cat litter, dishes and took a shower. Then, prepped for painting. Got my music going and got to work. It was about 1 pm when I finally get cracking.

Ceiling was first. I'm surprised I don't have a kink in my neck from looking up. I just did 1 coat on the ceiling, since it's a dark color.

This first picture shows you the ceiling grey with the old blue walls (bright blue, that is). There was still good natural light coming in at this point. The paint is still sorta wet though in this shot.

That took about 1.5 hours. I stopped for a brief lunch, standing - because I had paint on my clothes and didn't want to sit on anything - and had a short phone conversation and then it was back to work.

EDIT: Removed broken pics/links

By the time I was done with the walls, it was dark out - which is why this picture isn't as bright. I ended up having to do 2 coats on the walls, since that color is a nice light grey - the bright blue was showing through making them look dirty. So, another short break to drink something and shove some kind of edible food into my mouth, then the 2nd coat was applied. I will say that on the last 3 little walls (I really really didn't want to finish Saturday, but I did! I have plans for Sunday and didn't want to change those) I just make it a thicker 1 coat - mainly because 1: I was running out of paint and 2: I was fucking tired. FUCKING TIRED.

It's not perfect, but it doesn't NEED to be. It will eventually get painted again - AND - if the kid/I want, I have enough paint for some (read: very very minor ones) touch ups.

I had to move furniture, more than once. I did a lot of stairs, bending, on my tippy toes for a good portion and crouching down to get the bottom of the walls.

At the end, I texted the picture to the kid, took another shower, attempted to get what paint out of things that I could, and plopped myself down on my couch. I was too tired to cook and too tired to actually put on more than panties and a tee-shirt to answer the door if I had bothered to order food in. It was close to 8 pm when the room was done and before I started the clean up process. It was about 9 pm when I sat down. It was about 10:30 pm when I finally said fuck it and took my tired ass up the stairs. Only to have to come down (and yes, back up) them 3 times after that because the fucking caterwauling cat Puck would not shut the hell up. I finally gave up and slept on the couch. It was past 3 am at this point. Seriously.

Sunday, I was up at 8:52 am. Hello sunshine, bite me. Fed the cats, did the dishes, the cat litter and made myself 2 eggs. And coffee. Coffee is my bestest of best friends. Coffee Rules.

Then I took a shower and got ready. Then realized I had more time than I thought, and cleaned some more, ie: sweeping - that never ending bitch that drives me. I hope I am burning calories with this shit. Organized some of CD's (read: moved them to the media case and shoved them into a slot) and did some of my finances. Stupid medical bills - they SUCK.

Anyways, then I was out all afternoon and early evening. I'm about 10 minutes from the house when my Kid calls me and tells me he took a dive down the stairs. It seems that they didn't like him or his socks for some reason and tossed him down. He was not happy. I was not happy. He's fine, nothing broken, bleeding or bruised (that I could see). His pads of his feet hurt but that calmed down as the night wore on. I'm hoping it's a growth spurt and not my clutz genetics at work here. This morning, he was 100% normal. Heart Attack for Mom - 1.

Busy ass weekend. Wonderful and awesome in many many ways. Accidental stair case maneuvers, notwithstanding.

Today, however. My body fucking ACHES. My knees - OH MY FUCKING GODS my knees HATE me and want me to keel over and die! Thankfully my arm that was hurting so bad Saturday night is movable again. But my hips and knees? They hate my sorry ass! I have been taking advil or aleve since Saturday night and they just scream bloody murder at me. And what do I do? Ignore it. Granted, today it seems to be worse. Today, it feels like someone is driving needles under my knee caps. That's a joyous feeling let me tell you.

I need to start doing yoga again. Seriously. Because this shit is NOT cool. Not cool AT ALL.

So, I am going to go walk around this lovely new storage building and figure out racks and shit and pretend that pain is my friend. A really unwanted, annoying friend - but there you go.

Wednesday's Wooing Woe

Oh my, I am exhausted. Work is B-U-S-Y! I'm ready to fall asleep as I attempt to actually write a post.

Also: New Favorite Word = WOW

My sinuses are being abused - there is a lot of dust related activities going on at work. Because, you know, breaking down card board is never dust free. Or moving equipment.

Hmmm, I had thoughts when I first started this post I wanted to share. But now they seem to be hiding from me. Don't you hate that!??!!

In other news, my ring sizes are getting smaller. Which is awesome and annoying. Awesome because I'm losing inches/weight but annoying because some of my cool ass rings might be too big to wear if this keeps up. My size 14 jeans are getting looser too. Not quite needing to go the next size down, but I will need to start using my belt :)

Oh, my big sister is coming to visit! I am soooooo excited about that! AND she's going to be here during my birthday = WAY AWESOME!!

Annoying fact I found out - I have poison oak growing in yard. JOYS! So, I attempted to spray some weed killer stuff but I might need to upgrade to the commercial grade version. Me and the kid have sensitive skin, no need to have that stuff around! I've been thinking of really ripping all the stuff out of the front and back yard, let everything fallow over winter and starting fresh in the spring. Except for a couple of the nice butterfly bushes that is. Because, yeah, I don't like the weeds and now poison oak stuff and I also don't like things too close to the AC unit or the house.

Another annoying fact - I have a crack in my shower upstairs. I am going to put in a newer shower head in the downstairs bathroom and use that until I pick up some epoxy to fix that one.

Also: WOW

Oh, maybe I should give Diego a bath tonight, I've been forgetting or putting it off and I REALLY should get that done. But I need to sweep first thing when I get home. I hate how my stairs collect dust and cat hair so easily! Oh and I need to do some laundry as well. It seems like tonight is going to be busy!! And I just want to sleep. Maybe I should make some coffee first when I get home.

Ok, whatever thoughts I had have seriously hidden themselves from me. So I am going to go search for them in some quiet corner and pretend to be productive while at it. Shhhh...

Freaky Friday

I'm still sick. Slightly better, so am at work at least. The Kid is feeling completely normal (must be nice) and he's at school. I think I will be taking things s-l-o-w today. My boss even came by and asked me if I needed more time to rest. Holy shit I must look like death warmed over! I told him no, that I should be fine but am taking things slow. And seriously, if I start lagging something bad, will head home early.

I has plans tomorrow. Exciting plans, fun plans. Plans I am really looking forward to. So. I WILL BE BETTER DAMN IT!!! BWahahahahaha

Wednesday I killed me some spiders. Last night, I saw 2 of the bitches again though, but sprayed them. Because, yeah, those fuckers really really REALLY wig me out.

Ok, so I came home early, getting ready to take a nap and then clean up the house later on. I need to take my meds as well. I did have soup though, drank some tea. Which is always good. Soup did wonders for me I think. I always add in garlic and paprika to my chicken noodle soup, it just seems to make it yummier.

Right now I'm watching the kitten freak out  over a fly or something outside. It's rather funny. She is so adorable, love it. She is so beautiful, and her fur is seriously soft.

My period is almost over, thank the gods. My UTI is still here though, but hopefully it will be done in a couple days. I am looking forward to not having all these things at once! LOL, it's been just lovely. At least I know my cold is due from allergies. I am not the only one at work that's sick and we all seem to have allergies.

I have to use or lost my remaining sick time and personal holiday. I will use my personal holiday for my bday next month. As for my remaining sick time, well...I have no idea. I do have a couple dentist appointments coming up, but they won't take up the 40+ hours. I think that's one of the reasons I didn't mind calling out yesterday or leaving early today. May as well...Maybe I will take off time for my period, whether I need or not, for the next couple of months and that will help drain those hours down.

OK, my brain is not quite functioning it seems. Meds, then sleep. Then cleaning. I have this thing it seems about cleaning my floors. Who knew.

Cramping My Style

Cramps, oh how I love thee and despise thee.

Cramps, you difficult bitch, thanks for the morning wake up call.

So, yeah as you can see my period is starting to get more friendly with me because she's a complete and utter whore who seems to think my poor uterus is her horrific playground.

Sorry, I didn't get as much sleep as usual last night and I think my brain is still working on fumes. Coffee has yet to really impact my blood stream and what blood I have is starting to leak out of me. Oh the fucking joys of the menstrual cycle.

But the upside of this? This is something like 6 months in a row of me getting my period - which is practically unheard of with me previously (stupid PCOS crap). I attribute some of it to losing weight, less stupidity/stress in my life and maybe my hormones are just starting to behave slightly normally. And the really possibly cool upside - if I'm getting my period, that POSSIBLY means I could at some point get pregnant. Of course, that would be later on, once I am divorced AND with someone for a while!! But it's nice to know that if I/we wanted a kid, it's a possibility. A better one than in years passed when my stupid period hated me. If I get to that point, of course I will see the Dr before even thinking of trying, just to make sure I still don't have those lovely cysts choking my ovaries. That's even if at that point in time I/we want kids. I might just be happy with how things are. Who knows! I'm shutting this part of my brain off now...

Laundry done last night. The kid wants to play a video game tonight when I get home. I might, depending on if I feel like puking my guts out or not.

Also: I absolutely LOVE having the dining room table done. It just makes this house feel more complete, more home than it already did. Now, if I could just start painting the kids room! Ohhhh, maybe I will just go in and clean his room out and get it done. I should probably order his curtains too...and that moon sticker for his ceiling. Curtains first. Will check with him this week to make sure he still likes them or if you justs longer black curtains.

So, I'm a wee bit tired today. Last night, I hit Sam's Club and Martins on the way home, and I was already tired. But damn, I was in both stores, shopped and on my way home in 35 minutes. That must be some kind of record!! And then it was chores, laundry and good conversation :) I couldn't believe how fast time sped by!!

Work is busy, some of it just pc stuff today. I don't know. I just want a nap!!!

Also: I might go to Lowe's at lunch time and buy bug spray. There are spiders, lots of them, surrounding my house like a fucking last stand. I don't like. Nope, not all at. Those fuckers gotta go!

Weekend Life

So today I actually made it out of the house (score!) and went to JC Penny and Target. At JC Penny I went bra shopping. I guess they are doing some redecorating though, which meant less changing rooms and re-arrangement of clothes. So, I finally found the lingere area (why is it right by the kids clothes? Really? Sexy panties and everything just sitting out there for 5 years to ogle??) So, I decided to pick a couple brands, try 2 bra sizes (40 B and 38 B) to see which ones would fit better. The 40 B was comfy, but just a shade large. Minor. Tried the 38 B, it FIT. YES. But the cup was too small. WTH? I thought that your cup size is your cup size, but I guess not. So, I went back and got a 38 C and that bitch fit perfectly! OMFG, NICE!!! So, how that fucking works I have no bloody idea, but I won't argue :)

I kinda ended up splurging. I mean, I've lost something like 21-22 lbs since March and they were freaking cute AND on sale. Win Win in my opinion. And do you have any idea HOW LONG it's been since I've been able to buy cute sexy bras?? YEARS. Stupid 40 and up sizes, just doesn't happen. Or at least, it's few and far between. And usually expensive. So, I ended up get something like 8 bras and 3 cute panties. And a blanket. Don't ask. I am a total blanket whore. I have this thing for textures, especially on my feet. Also: My kid keeps stealing MY blanket and leaves me his and damn it, I just want my own damned blanket!

Then I head downstairs to the bathing suits. Because, you know, I have this cruise coming up in a few months (SO EXCITED) and it's a Caribbean cruise, which means SUN and therefore I must have some bathing suits. Found a cute shorts and bikini top :)

Also, another thing I noticed is that I've gone down in sizes from XL to L, another huge plus :) Makes me feel good :D

Then I headed over to Target, got another bikini top, a skirt (nothing fancy) and some new sheets.

Then I went to the local Asian Market, picked up some snacks and Aloe juice and finally headed home. I was only out for 2 hours. It felt like a whole day.

So, home, did 2 loads of laundry, cleaned a little bit, read some and have been watching some TV. No nap, alas. Stupid naps fucking avoid me. I did organize some CDs though too, which I need to finish. About 75% done with that, and then I will probably go back or put them in alphabetical order or something. Because, well, I can.

Like how I seriously contemplated mowing my lawn. I really really did. Instead I put on one of my bikini tops, and hung out doing all the above. It's a cute bikini top :^D

Tomorrow, it's Lowe's and grocery shopping. And hopefully more cleaning. Maybe mowing the lawn. MAYBE. Again, it would have to be in a bikini top because I am so damned white I would probably scare a ghost.

Tonight, I might make some bread, pack up my beads. I got in a mood and made a bracelet for a friends daughter. She's a bit goth I think, not 100% sure, so it's all black and red. Pretty onyx and red tigers eye. And hopefully get to bed before 1 am, unlike last night. Right now I'm watching a Bruce Willis movie. Maybe make some popcorn. I don't know. Hmmm. I'm tired though. And I still have some things I need to clean up and really don't feel like it right now. Is it sad I'm tired from putting sheets on my bed?

Popcorn it is :)

EDIT: I am making cookies tomorrow. Almost forgot that!!