Quarantine life

I am definitely one of the lucky ones. I am able to work from home, and while I am "essential", my job is not always required for me to be on-site. Yay logistics! I am lucky, I have a job, it's a good job and I like it and even with this crazy Covid-19 shit going down, they are more understanding than I would have realized.

People are dying. People are getting sick. This is so bad and painful to watch happen. I know at some point I am going to get sick, I just hope it's when things have calmed down and there are more resources. Because right now there are few and far between resources available.

So I grocery shop once a week and literally do not leave the house unless it's for work. I use disposable gloves if I have to get gas. And I've ordered some regular DIY face masks with filters, for those future occasions of shopping. And also just in case one of us gets sick so that they (or me) and whoever is taking care of them is more protected than nothing.

This is supposed to go on another month. This will probably last longer than that. I should be doing more cleaning in my house.Or something more, just more. I've finished school so that is no longer pressing on me. I am feeling, something. Distracted, tired but not tired, and I don't know have the right adjectives.

The world as we know is shifting and changing, again. Which is alright because it's meant to change and shift.

I just don't know. Sometimes I feel at a loss, that it's not really that bad. But it's not the flu. It's not a cold. And it's an interesting thought process, think back 200 years when there were not this huge ass cities or even as big as communities we have now. I guess for them though, it was a normal to plan so much out and they probably had more chores to keep them busy and distracted. And shit, I have a ton of things I could and should be doing...I just have no oomph to get moving. It's taken me a week to just randomly write on this post.

And there are some moments I'm good. Where I can focus on the future and think of the good things to come.

It's just not nearly as often.

Minor update

I really wish I could have gone to see my son's graduation from BMT. But this crazy coronavirus had other ideas. The AF shut down families coming to visit. And while a lot of parents were seriously distraught, all I could think of, is I rather not see my kid then have the possibility of spreading it around more. You just can't tell who would have it, share it, and then it escalates from there. It's going to be bad enough as it is. I would rather try to avoid it, for me and those I love, than not.I will probably still get it, but hopefully when the curve starts to flatten and medical services aren't as stranded. Not that they are right now, but this thing seems to be quite aggressive.

I have to work on-site 4 hours a day, telework the remaining time. I don't mind it, there are few people here and I am able to actually get more done. So, no arguments from me on that one! House is stocked so far, plus at some point the grocery stores will restock. People are really kinda crazy with this though. I could understand the mass rush for toilet paper if it was a hurricane or snow storm or if the virus made use the bathroom - but people are just somewhere out in left field for some reason.

I think the biggest change for me, still is not having more school to pull me into. I am still figuring out life without that complication! I have noticed having more focus on just about everything.

With my son now at tech school, it has been awesome being able to talk and face time with him. He looks very military and very grown up. And my mind is still slightly blown that my kid is actually an adult and going down a very bright path. Love it. Love him. I am so proud of him, and not just because he passed BMT, but because he is focused and figuring things out. It's honestly a huge relief to see your kid not make bad decisions. I mean, I know we all do make them at some point, but I am thankful it didn't start right out of the gate into adulthood. And it just makes me so happy to see him liking this and doing it. I knew he was capable, I've always known that - but knowing it and then seeing it, it's such a beautiful thing.

OK, time for me to get the next part of my day going :)

Hot Damn!

Class is done. Grades are in. I am done. 100%. Finally have my degree (ok, pending the actually ceremony). Graduation info had been submitted and paid for and it was only waiting on this class to be finished.

This is so very satisfying. 

As in, I think I am still processing the enormity of this. 25 years after I left my first entry into college, and after 6 years of going back to school part time, I have this bitch completed. Wow. Just, sweet cheese and crackers, wow.

And now, by tomorrow evening I will be on a plane to see my son graduate BMT and start the next phase of his life.

Doubly satisfying.

Life is good. Life is awesome. Life is blessed.

1 Week and counting

I'm in the process of writing this paper and I am distracting myself, because I am so excited for this class to be completed and to have graduated.

Edit: It's now been a week. Paper is written and graded :)

I only have 1 more report to do and turn in next Sunday. One more week of forums. And then I will be done! Graduated ! It is sooo relieving. And exciting.

Next, next I get to see my son, as he graduates from BMT. That is a whole new level of excitement. I am so damn proud of my son. He has rocked this, and pushed through and succeeded.

Life is hectic, but good. I am just - Happy :)

By this time next week, it will be a whole new happy :)

Such a light Winter

What is it about chicken noodle soup and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that just make a chilly day feel better??

And this whole week is going to be a tad bit chilly. (this past week)

Though I will say that this winter has been absolutely light, no major snows or anything like that. And the few nights/days it's been cold, it hasn't gotten so low that it was a worry.

Raven is now at BMT, I miss that kid something fierce. But I am so damn proud of him! I honestly hope he likes it, it is for 6 years. And granted his BMT will be drastically different from wherever he ends up. But I know he's got this.

I am on my last class to get my BS in Business Administration degree and  this class is over in March (literally 2 weeks from Sunday). Then, THEN, I will have time and I almost don't know what to do with myself! I can read again, I will have time to clean my house and landscape my yard, to organize and finally go through things! And I am so looking forward to clearing junk out and de-cluttering.

I am excited about starting the next chapter in life :) Updating the house, prepping it for future sale hopefully and just having the time to re-focus on the important things in life.

So, it's a light winter, I hope it's a nice spring and beautiful summer.

All in all, life is good :) I am blessed and thankful for those blessings <3 p="">

2020 Vision

A new year, a new decade...

Can you believe it's almost 2020??

It slightly boggles the mind how much has happened in the last year.

I can not believe my kid is about to leave for boot camp, how much he's matured (and still has work to do) and how much is going to change in the coming months. Seeing him off to his future is a blessing and difficult to watch. I love him, wholeheartedly, and I will miss him. I won't miss the struggles of him figuring shit out though. I think he will do well in the military, that it will give him a solid foundation for his future work and work ethic. I hope he thrives.

I am literally 1 class away from my bachelor's degree. I can't not express enough how freaking excited I am for that. It will be the first time in about 5 years where I won't have homework, reading or a paper due, forums to post or anything school related to stress over. It is such a huge relief. I will finally have time to focus on the more mundane things of the house, and on those not so mundane things like myself and my relationships. It's almost ironic that Raven is leaving the same time I start my class and ends the same time as my class does. A bit of a minor parallel there.

Mike has sold his house. The holidays are close to over and life is shifting into a new pattern. This year is definitely one for getting back into back into physical shape, for de-cluttering my house and life,  and just breathing a little bit easier.

One step forward. Continue on and just keep at it!

One of the many moments...

Had a great dinner date with my love 

And I know I am seriously lucky to have such an awesome boyfriend !!!

💖

A Mini Update

I had a suspicion this month was going to be rough one. It's almost been one year since my Dad died. His birthday, father's day and death all happened this month. Adding to this, I am taking 2 classes at the same time, something I try to avoid because I like my sanity and having at least some time to spend with those I love. It's all stressful.

So. To add to the drama, my sister. Who *was* a ward of the state until this past week. She's struggling, but I do think she will be able to swim in the long term, with some help along the way. But damn, it's just one more thing.

One of my teachers is a twat. At least my other teacher is nice and easier to work with. I have literally 3 more classes before I am done with my Bachelors and I am so freaking excited about that.

My son signed up with the Air Force. I am so proud of him. He still has to go to MEPS, and he's signed up for Delayed Enlistment (so that he can take a vacation with his Dad which is awesome) this means he won't go to boot camp until sometime in or after August. I honestly think the Air Force will be good for him and that he will succeed there. He's so damn smart, so very capable.

My boyfriend, he is just still freaking amazing. So damn happy that I am with him, so damn lucky in our relationship.

So. Overall, life is good, perhaps not so easy this month, but life is still good. I am happy and content and looking forward to next month!

How to cripple today's teens and young adults?

Have an internet outage.

Seriously, I am doing my homework at the Green Turtle right now because it has a more reliable internet than my house and it's due by midnight.

Getting home today, my son and niece (17 and 23 for ages) were both complaining of how slow their cell phones are and how the main wifi was not working and they could not watch TV (I stream it, no more cable) and how they couldn't watch youtube or netflex or whatever.

It's just kinda funny.

Breathe, it will be ok.

It's really not the end of the world to not always have instant internet access.

Love them, it was a good reminder to me if anything. Live in the moment.

Excited for Spring and Summer

Can I just say that the weather changing, even if it has caused my allergies to go hay wire, has been awesome. I am loving the warmth of the sun and the blooms of the flowers.

I'm excited to do yard work, turn the earth and plant some herbs or veggies.

Also, I am back to red hair. I tried bleaching it, going blue and attempted purple, which just made it overall this cool gray/silver color with some leftover blue roots and some purple highlights. Interesting, but a bit off. Now that it's red again, I need a bit of a shorter style.

Classes are still going. Almost one with the current class, and I will have a week off before the next one starts. What is new is this summer I am taking 2 classes, with a month overlap, not my typical MO. I will be graduating in the spring of 2020 and I am definitely excited for that!

My kid is doing amazing. Mostly A's and B's, he's about to turn 18 and then graduate. I am so damn proud of him. He has a job lined up until he is processed with the Air Force (fingers crossed on that). He is just a good kid, and I am so happy he's made some good decisions and is thinking about his future, even if he is clueless on what that is as of yet. Who has a clue at 18?? Very very few and even then it can change pretty rapidly and easily. He's been lucky in some things, but I am just happy with how much he's matured in the last couple of years. It's so nice to see the person you love and have taught and guided and helped to develop into a person you are proud of and want in your life. That does not always happen.

In other news, I still have this amazing boyfriend that I absolutely am in love with and super happy to still be with. It's going on 6 years soon and that is pretty damn amazing :)

Mini Vacation Highlights

It was a great mini vacation! Even though I had this stupid ass cold during it, I much rather be in Orlando with the sniffles than stuck at home!

This was at Universal Citywalk, it was this great steam punk themed called the "Toothsome Chocolate Emporium & Savory Feast Kitchen". Great food, drinks and service.

 

This was just one of those little bars, that had some good Margaritas :)

    

Ok, so at Disney Springs, Jock Lindsey's Hanger is probably one of our favorite places to go. 

I'm pretty sure I took this at the Irish pub called Ragland Road, love them too.

Splitsville no longer has frozen margaritas on tap, so I tried their "Swampwater". Pretty delicious!

Disney's version of steam punk theme, The Edison. You know, it' wasn't my fave. I liked the one at Universal better

Best way to end our trip <3 p="">

Upcoming Mini Vacation

As we inch closer and closer to our mini vacation, I am definitely getting excited.

We will be Orlando, first at Cabana Bay for a night (near Universal) and then 3 nights by Disney Springs.

Spending 1 day at Epcot for the International Flower & Garden Festival



Last year we did the Mickey's Magical Christmas so I love the fact we get to do a different season.

A break from work, life and school will be seriously enjoyed and appreciated.

Nothing better than a little bit of Disney love!

March can't come soon enough!!!

Xmas Present

So, my absolutely amazing boyfriend gave me an adventure for my Xmas present.

I had no idea what or where, everything was a total surprise! We stayed at the Stonewall Jackson hotel, which was perfect. He took me to see the Christmas Carol at the American Shakespeare Center, Blackfriars Playhouse. The play, above and beyond amazing. The actors were amazing. The whole night, seriously, just amazing.

We had lunch at Edelweiss, a German restaurant, that had some of the best food and beer I've had. If you ever get a chance to go to Stauton, VA, the hotel, playhouse and Edelweiss are all highly recommended.

  

Then, as we headed home, we stopped at the Luray Caverns, which was different from anything I have ever done, mainly because you end up 164 ft below the earth and you see things that look like they are movie affects. Loved it.

   

We stopped in at this place called Nana's Irish Pub, had an awesome chicken pot pie and of course, an even more amazing beer

I love this man, I am so lucky and I can not wait for the next adventure!

Look for Misophonia or PCOS related info? Or Maybe Chek2? Moved a ton of into to this:

https://medicalpiecesofme.blogspot.com/

You know...Just taking a moment

I am going to privatize my blog for a bit. No need to give info to someone else's drama...restricting it down after the week

Karma (once again)

What is Karma? It came up recently in a discussion and I just wanted to think about it again more deeply...

By the Dictionary's definition:

kar·ma

ˈkärmə/

noun

noun: karma

1. (in Hinduism and Buddhism) the sum of a person's actions in this and previous states of existence, viewed as deciding their fate in future existences.

   • informal

     destiny or fate, following as effect from cause.

Origin

from Sanskrit karman ‘action, effect, fate.’

Now, I know in some viewpoints, if you do something bad or wrong, the thought is that the negative energy from that wrong will go back to the person (times 3 if you're in Wicca/Witchcraft/etc). Sometimes in this life or perhaps in a future one.

I had posted a blog on this back in June of 2013, when I was getting divorced - here's the link:
https://notjustawitch.blogspot.com/2013/06/karma.html

OR you can read it again here:

Karma

So I was reading some comments on a facebook post about what Karma is. So, I know how I think of it but wanted to google it and see what else is out there...

http://www.buddhanet.net/e-learning/karma.htm

Some parts stuck out to me, like:

 In other words, it is the result of our own past actions and our own present doings. We ourselves are responsible for our own happiness and misery. We create our own Heaven. We create our own Hell. We are the architects of our own fate.

and

"We are the heirs of our own actions." 

and

Karma does not necessarily mean past actions. It embraces both past and present deeds. Hence in one sense, we are the result of what we were; we will be the result of what we are. In another sense, it should be added, we are not totally the result of what we were; we will not absolutely be the result of what we are. The present is no doubt the offspring of the past and is the present of the future, but the present is not always a true index of either the past or the future; so complex is the working of Karma. 

 I didn't read all of it, but once I move I'm going to. Very interesting...

I do believe in soul journeys. That we experience things right here, right now, to either learn something or teach something. Whether we necessarily understand that or not, our soul is absorbing and disbursing knowledge, etc as we cycle through.

Ok, deep enough for the moment!! I need to do laundry :)

I will say, wishing someone else harm because one's feelings are hurt or one's life is not moving the direction one wants it, is not the same as Karma. Wishing Karma to smack down someone because they are causing harm seems more relevant possibly. I am not going to get into the what is harm by one perspective or another, that is what the universe decides in many cases.

Really though, each person is responsible for *their own* happiness or misery - that is a major point I wished more people focused on. I can not make someone else happy, my son, my love, my friends or coworkers. I can only make *myself* happy. I do not derive my happiness from others. What I have learned, is that we, as friends/family/lovers/coworkers, can *share* in our own unique happiness and that could and does, in effect, respond to other people's happiness and grow that way. I think it's that sharing that people get confused, assuming it's created by those relationships or moments in time. I have done that, we all do that.

I also believe that Karma or the universe will teach someone a life/soul lesson, so that soul can grow in understanding/comprehension. It's not about punishment or reward, it's about growth. And sometimes that growth is painful, the lesson is not always pleasant and things go sideways. Other times, it's the most amazing things ever experienced. Life is chaos in many ways, but a beautiful chaos nonetheless.

My 2 cents...

Just...Happy

When I was driving into work today, sipping on my coffee, I just felt so...happy. Like, genuinely care free happy.

We have a trip coming up in 10 days, to Utah and Colorado. We have a vacation to Williamsburg, VA in August. My boyfriend is freaking amazing. My kid is freaking awesome. My cats are totally adorable (even if Diego is cranky most of the time). And life in general is pretty damn good.

Life is good, Love is awesome, and I am very blessed in both

Codependent

Codependency is a type of dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables another person's drug addiction, alcoholism, gambling addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement.^[1] Among the core characteristics of codependency, the most common theme is an excessive reliance on other people for approval and a sense of identity.^[1] Given its grassroots origin, the precise definition of codependency varies based on the source but can be generally characterized as a subclinical and situational or episodic behavior similar to that of dependent personality disorder.^[1] In its broadest definition, a codependent is someone who cannot function from their innate self and whose thinking and behavior is instead organized around another person, or even a process, or substance.^[2] In this context, people who are addicted to a substance, like drugs, or a process, like gambling or sex, can also be considered codependent. In its most narrow definition, it requires one person to be physically or psychologically addicted, such as to heroin, and the second person to be psychologically dependent on that behavior.^[3] Some users of the codependency concept use the word as an alternative to using the concept of dysfunctional families, without statements that classify it as a disease.^[4]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependency

Co-Dependency

Co-dependency is a learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive. The disorder was first identified about ten years ago as the result of years of studying interpersonal relationships in families of alcoholics. Co-dependent behavior is learned by watching and imitating other family members who display this type of behavior.

Who Does Co-dependency Affect?

Co-dependency often affects a spouse, a parent, sibling, friend, or co-worker of a person afflicted with alcohol or drug dependence. Originally, co-dependent was a term used to describe partners in chemical dependency, persons living with, or in a relationship with an addicted person. Similar patterns have been seen in people in relationships with chronically or mentally ill individuals. Today, however, the term has broadened to describe any co-dependent person from any dysfunctional family.

What is a Dysfunctional Family and How Does it Lead to Co-dependency?

A dysfunctional family is one in which members suffer from fear, anger, pain, or shame that is ignored or denied. Underlying problems may include any of the following:

• An addiction by a family member to drugs, alcohol, relationships, work, food, sex, or gambling.
• The existence of physical, emotional, or sexual abuse.
• The presence of a family member suffering from a chronic mental or physical illness.

Dysfunctional families do not acknowledge that problems exist. They don’t talk about them or confront them. As a result, family members learn to repress emotions and disregard their own needs. They become “survivors.” They develop behaviors that help them deny, ignore, or avoid difficult emotions. They detach themselves. They don’t talk. They don’t touch. They don’t confront. They don’t feel. They don’t trust. The identity and emotional development of the members of a dysfunctional family are often inhibited

Attention and energy focus on the family member who is ill or addicted. The co-dependent person typically sacrifices his or her needs to take care of a person who is sick. When co-dependents place other people’s health, welfare and safety before their own, they can lose contact with their own needs, desires, and sense of self.

How Do Co-dependent People Behave?

Co-dependents have low self-esteem and look for anything outside of themselves to make them feel better. They find it hard to “be themselves.” Some try to feel better through alcohol, drugs or nicotine - and become addicted. Others may develop compulsive behaviors like workaholism, gambling, or indiscriminate sexual activity.

They have good intentions. They try to take care of a person who is experiencing difficulty, but the caretaking becomes compulsive and defeating. Co-dependents often take on a martyr’s role and become “benefactors” to an individual in need. A wife may cover for her alcoholic husband; a mother may make excuses for a truant child; or a father may “pull some strings” to keep his child from suffering the consequences of delinquent behavior.

The problem is that these repeated rescue attempts allow the needy individual to continue on a destructive course and to become even more dependent on the unhealthy caretaking of the “benefactor.” As this reliance increases, the co-dependent develops a sense of reward and satisfaction from “being needed.” When the caretaking becomes compulsive, the co-dependent feels choiceless and helpless in the relationship, but is unable to break away from the cycle of behavior that causes it. Co-dependents view themselves as victims and are attracted to that same weakness in the love and friendship relationships.

Characteristics of Co-dependent People Are:

• An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others
• A tendency to confuse love and pity, with the tendency to “love” people they can pity and rescue
• A tendency to do more than their share, all of the time
• A tendency to become hurt when people don’t recognize their efforts
• An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co-dependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment
• An extreme need for approval and recognition
• A sense of guilt when asserting themselves
• A compelling need to control others
• Lack of trust in self and/or others
• Fear of being abandoned or alone
• Difficulty identifying feelings
• Rigidity/difficulty adjusting to change
• Problems with intimacy/boundaries
• Chronic anger
• Lying/dishonesty
• Poor communications
• Difficulty making decisions

Questionnaire To Identify Signs Of Co-dependency

This condition appears to run in different degrees, whereby the intensity of symptoms are on a spectrum of severity, as opposed to an all or nothing scale. Please note that only a qualified professional can make a diagnosis of co-dependency; not everyone experiencing these symptoms suffers from co-dependency.

1. Do you keep quiet to avoid arguments?

2. Are you always worried about others’ opinions of you?

3. Have you ever lived with someone with an alcohol or drug problem?

4. Have you ever lived with someone who hits or belittles you?

5. Are the opinions of others more important than your own?

6. Do you have difficulty adjusting to changes at work or home?

7. Do you feel rejected when significant others spend time with friends?

8. Do you doubt your ability to be who you want to be?

9. Are you uncomfortable expressing your true feelings to others?

10. Have you ever felt inadequate?

11. Do you feel like a “bad person” when you make a mistake?

12. Do you have difficulty taking compliments or gifts?

13. Do you feel humiliation when your child or spouse makes a mistake?

14. Do you think people in your life would go downhill without your constant efforts?

15. Do you frequently wish someone could help you get things done?

16. Do you have difficulty talking to people in authority, such as the police or your boss?

17. Are you confused about who you are or where you are going with your life?

18. Do you have trouble saying “no” when asked for help?

19. Do you have trouble asking for help?

20. Do you have so many things going at once that you can’t do justice to any of them?

If you identify with several of these symptoms; are dissatisfied with yourself or your relationships; you should consider seeking professional help. Arrange for a diagnostic evaluation with a licensed physician or psychologist experienced in treating co-dependency.

How is Co-dependency Treated?

Because co-dependency is usually rooted in a person’s childhood, treatment often involves exploration into early childhood issues and their relationship to current destructive behavior patterns. Treatment includes education, experiential groups, and individual and group therapy through which co-dependents rediscover themselves and identify self-defeating behavior patterns. Treatment also focuses on helping patients getting in touch with feelings that have been buried during childhood and on reconstructing family dynamics. The goal is to allow them to experience their full range of feelings again.

When Co-dependency Hits Home

The first step in changing unhealthy behavior is to understand it. It is important for co-dependents and their family members to educate themselves about the course and cycle of addiction and how it extends into their relationships. Libraries, drug and alcohol abuse treatment centers and mental health centers often offer educational materials and programs to the public.

A lot of change and growth is necessary for the co-dependent and his or her family. Any caretaking behavior that allows or enables abuse to continue in the family needs to be recognized and stopped. The co-dependent must identify and embrace his or her feelings and needs. This may include learning to say “no,” to be loving yet tough, and learning to be self-reliant. People find freedom, love, and serenity in their recovery.

Hope lies in learning more. The more you understand co-dependency the better you can cope with its effects. Reaching out for information and assistance can help someone live a healthier, more fulfilling life

http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/co-dependency

New Work Area, Better View

It's nice having a window. And a door I can shut. Love my new office space !

Classes be like

Previously:
I am taking Business Finance, and I am going to die. My brain has melted and this shit is hard.


And then:
Oh, ok, well this makes more sense now and I am doing good.