Well, ok then

 4 glasses of wine was probably 2 too many !

My head is feeling it this morning. And I was up late, so I'm tired. I want to take a hot shower and crawl into bed.

But I'm working, and finishing 1 holiday present (a scarf) and then working some more and then hopefully finishing this blanket and then I still have a shit ton more to do. And working.

~

Oops, forgot to post this yesterday.

But, rinse and repeat lol.

Scarf is done though!

Working on the blanket, really think I am going to use a different black yard for the edging because this shit is about to fly apart from me ripping it.

Worked on the wreath last night, almost done with the 2nd ear. 

The BF is sick with a cold, so that sucks. 

There was something I wanted to write about, and yet again I have forgotten. Good gods, my brain is playing by itself lately. 

It does seem that I need to make some voodoo dolls per the request of my coworkers, so new craft night is coming up. And it's really voodoo doll lite, in the crafting sense.

Just thinking thoughts...

 I had thoughts this morning...I know I fucking did. I am trying to get back to that space while I was about to get gas and then to work because it's one of those moments, where you're like ok I want to write about that.

Wait ! It was when I was going over the bridge and I was thinking about wanting to write, ahem, and how I seem to have a much better time writing (or texting, emails, etc. etc.) than I do talking to someone, or sharing a story with someone. 

And granted I don't exactly think anyone is going to read this shit, it's really for me to get stuff out and think and process and move on with. 

But I was think that, writing is in part in how I just exist without having to talk as much. Don't get me wrong, I talk - all the time - but mostly at work it feels like. Is it because I am at work more than home ? That would make sense. But I feel like, which means it's my perception and not necessarily true true, that when I'm at home, it's more of directions on things to get done or just every day normal boring same old shit. Also, if it's the same shit every time, why in the fucking world do I need to ask/explain/request/whatever anymore ? I am 50 fucking years old. Enough already.

AND the other thing is, I am just soooo fucking tired of having to explain everything. Every Mother Fucking Thing. Can someone please take those reins for a bit so I can have a break. Every single thing, I have to explain. And while I usually am very ok with this, I am tired. I have explained everything with my age, hormones, surgeries, TV shows being watched, books, jokes, anything I say/do it seems needs a fucking explanation and it would just be really really nice to not.

But if I don't, then it's my fault they have the lack of understanding - and granted that's not always the case but it feels that way. 

/rant 

Retail and Christmas Music

 Ok, I am not Christian by any stretch, however I loooove music. And while there are some songs that have definitely been overplayed, and we ALL know which ones those are! I do have some favorites that fall into the Christmas music genre..

 Now, I work retail part time, not a ton of time but I can absolutely tell you that since I've started that a couple years ago, the holiday music - SUCKS the SOUL out of me! 

I can't listen to it when I'm in the car or at home most of the time, and if one of the dreaded songs comes on when I am changing radio stations I instantly cringe. 

Can I listen to those favorites I have? I think mostly. If anything though, I much rather listen to classical at this time of year more than anything.  I really have missed listening to classical music in general lately. Maybe I need to create a nice long playlist on on my spotify of classical favorites.

I wish the playlist that the retail store I work at was better. It would be nice if it was the same fucking songs every time. I am sure there is a financial reason but good gods, lets not make people lose their damn minds with that shit.

Minor rant over 

Thoughts for next year

 As this year is finally wrapping up, I think I want to start thinking of what I would really like to do/get done in the next couple of years.

I mean, the obvious is getting closer to clearing my debts.

Otherwise, I think I would really like to get a new tattoo or 2. I have been wanting to cover up my paw prints on my forearm for a while now, so that would be nice to get done first. 

 I am going to start taking ballet as well. I need something to help me get into shape, and while I have started doing some actual exercises (shush) I have always loved ballet. So what if it's been like 35 years! 

Otherwise, it will also be to continue crocheting projects, spend time with my kid and maybe not work harder, just smarter.

Fingers crossed it's not another insane year.... 

WTAF Cookie Baking Edition

 I am making 600 cookies for my kid's squadron and shipping them to his base. Fine, done this the last few years because I love my kid and love baking so it's a win. Right? It's a fucking win when the stupid ass cookies bake correctly and not spread like the legs of a whore! I mean, come on! It's fucking chocolate chip cookies, there should not be this much of an issue! I have made this standard fucking recipe for like a decade, and this is just stupid. Ok, they do still taste good but it's annoying me and disappointing me that they look like clusters of chocolate chips with a thin spread of cookie surrounding them. Ugh.

Fucking stupid ass cookies.

 I've adjusted my temperature and I sit in front of my oven trying to time it just right so that they aren't so brown on the edges and the center is done. It's just really stupid. Stupid stupid. Triple stupid.

I was reading on Reddit (don't @me) and it seems that has been some quality issues with butter lately. My other ingredients are all fresh, nothing is over 3 or 6 months and again it's a standard recipe. The only thing that could be a bit sideways is the butter. And ok, I do not measure the vanilla, I guide that by instinct but whatever!

Wait. The chocolate chips are older, but that should be what's affecting the spread.  

Watching cookies bake was not what I thought I was going to be doing all day today.  

Surgery, Projects and Changes - oh my!

Holy fuck I haven't written in a long time!! There have been a couple moments in the last year where I've thought about and even came here to write but I just...didn't.

OK, so some quick updates then! 

 I had a double mastectomy with an immediate Diep Flap reconstruction in February. I was off for 2 months and while for the most part it was a good and non complicated recovery, there was some minor issues once I got home from the hospital. I don't know if it was a reaction to the surgical tape used or if one of my 4 drains kinked at some point in the 1.5 hour drive home or whatever, but I ended up with some lovely blisters on both breasts which necessitated daily wound treatment. My boyfriend did absolutely an awesome job in assisting with that. And I loved the overall results! I will say, the resulting size was somewhat larger that I was anticipating...and I won't argue if they go down a little bit.

Another side of effect of a 13 hour surgery and 3 days in the hospital, I came over literally 11 lbs heavier. That was wild. I swear it's all in my thighs. I gained another 7-8 lbs in the proceeding months. I was not stressing over this, I know that it's temporary and I'll lose the weight again. It is annoying.

Then I just had another surgery last week, it was an outpatient surgery and again it was for the breasts and the dog ears on my hips from the Diep Flap. Minor reconstruction to fix some of the typical things that need to be fixed once the healing is mostly done and the swelling is resolved. And holy fuck there was some lipo involved and that shit, THAT fucking hurts. 

I will eventually lose the weight and once that is stable, I would definitely like to get these puppies lifted. I do hope they also go down in size as I lose weight but if they don't, it's what it is.

And when I look in the mirror, it's absolutely crazy to see how skinny I look. I do not recognize myself. I will eventually buy new clothes and whatnot, right now I am fitting in my older clothes and I've gotten some hand me downs to tide me over and I have bought a couple of new shirts and things that I needed for surgery anyways. And oh wow, having to find things that don't bother my abdomen has been wild! 

~.~.~.~ 

Yarn - I have SO MUCH YARN! When I hear about Joann's going out of business in January, I absolutely panic bought a shit ton of yarn. So. I decided to open a small business, Stitch & Cuddle. At some point I will get my website updated. I've made several items so far this year already, see below.

 

   

 

 

 There are more I've made and I need to get more pictures done. I need to get some of my finances updated with the state with what's already been done but otherwise, I seem to be stress crocheting a lot. Thankfully I have quite a few projects that will benefit because of this. Suffice it to say, everyone is getting home made gifts this year for the holidays and birthdays. 

~.~.~.~ 

 And both of these things are part of the changes. Another change - potentially - is work. We are being acquired rather soon and I'll find if I have a job still. No stress, none at all (insert eye roll here). Part of the reason I am stress crocheting. Especially with this market, political environment and everything else. The world is only slightly insane right now. This is very, very stressful. I really don't like this timeline to be honest and I hope to wake up to a better world at some point. If I am let go, I will do what I do and figure it out and life will be okay. 

 That's my quick update for the hot moment. 

Ok, so I finally read the text

 And I thought it would be worse. It seems like she is seriously and fundamentally confused. Like, on everything. She mixed random thoughts in with a hint of a truth. And by a hint, it's a stretch of a hint from another Marvel multi-universe. Maybe it's an alternate reality. I don't know.

I'm not upset, or mad or hurt. It's all just sad. 

Her verbiage though, it's like she's trying to upset me or get me to react in a hurt manner and I just don't feel anything. And I don't because what she is saying is so absolutely not true or real so it doesn't mean anything. 

And I suppose me being truly content and happy (ok, not with politics or where the world is about to be headed, but aside from all of that) with my life and choices in my life seems to make some people upset. I don't have to justify my happiness or my choices to anyone. Nor does anyone have to do that with me. 

This is just wild. But ok.

It's all still insane

 I am still processing. I think I am in a slightly better place. I've definitely already lost 1 friend. She blew up my phone, unfriended me on Facebook, went quiet and then texted me again from a different number. I read the headline of her text but not all of it because how fucking LONG that text was.

My niece came over yesterday, I asked her to read some of our previous texts so she could see what all the conversation was about politics and then the one I didn't read because I wanted to make sure I wasn't being an asshole. If I am, then I need to make adjustments. If I'm not, then it's not on me. And she was like, she sounds like her mom - which means my now ex-friend is acting crazy crazy. Hard core crazy if you will. 

I feel like I want to hand out Kool-Aid packets.

I don't understand, how a woman who is on the witchy side of things and has always been open minded I thought is now just sooooo far down the cult rabbit hole. And became so mean in the process. Damn.

Opinion

Can someone explain to me, like I'm 5, how ones "opinion" is somehow better than known facts? Or how a fact or proof of a previous action, say the Jan 6 insurrection or 34 felony convictions, is somehow not impactful to the choice of a leader of a country? Or how ones decision to follow that direction is going to be ok to just hang and drink a beer with, because you know, fuck whatever else is going on we can still drink together right? Still be friends? Still pretend we have the same values or cares or morals? I am really struggling with this. How do I remain a friend to someone who, even if they didn't think their vote counted bc of where they live, still actually CHOSE that person ?? I mean, trying to tell me this issue or that issue or whatever is the THING, that they were voting about. Seriously? 
Can you not see the bigger picture?
UGH
o·pin·ion

/əˈpiny(ə)n/

noun

1. a view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.

   "I'm writing to voice my opinion on an issue of great importance"
2. 
   
3. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/opinion

1

a

: a view, judgment, or appraisal formed in the mind about a particular matter

We asked them for their opinions about the new stadium.

b

: approval, esteem

I have no great opinion of his work.

2

a

: belief stronger than impression and less strong than positive knowledge

a person of rigid opinions

b

: a generally held view

news programs that shape public opinion

3

a

: a formal expression of judgment or advice by an expert

My doctor says that I need an operation, but I'm going to get a second opinion.

b

: the formal expression (as by a judge, court, or referee) of the legal reasons and principles upon which a legal decision is based

The article discusses the recent Supreme Court opinion.

Back to logging

 I have not really logged my food consistently for several months now. I still have been losing weight, I am on Wegovy and Metformin, so that is why and well the fact that I had WLS and my stomach is still small. But I know I have NOT been eating right, I need more water and protein and need to reshape some of my current habits. It's just kinda wild how the Wegovy as intensified my cravings for sugar. I definitely don't drink alcohol nearly as much. 

3 steps forward and 1 step back. I won't argue it at all.

Dr. is now switching me to Zepbound and I will see how this goes. Since I will have surgery early next year, all the weight I can lose now (ugh and all the ab workouts I can do) would be beneficial.

Which is why I am back to logging and seeing a clearer picture of far I've gotten out of balance.

I am still 70 lbs down from where I started and to be honest, that is awesome sauce right there. Even if I maintained, I would be happy. 

Awesome conversation

 So I had to call my cell company, because I had called France to cancel a trip and got billed $246 for the conversation, which honestly wasn't even worth it because the deposit I got back was $149. 

Anyways, I called and spoke with this super nice lady about it and we were talking and I don't even know how the subject came up but we start talking about hysterectomies and menopause and periods and the next thing I know I am giving her all kinds of information and verbiage and reddits to check out. Because seriously, women's health is critical and it's not validated enough when a woman says she wants something so that her life is better.

It was a good conversation and it felt good to be able to share information, experiences and resources.

Yes, I did get a partial credit on my expensive phone call to France, thankfully it will help with that sting.

More family drama - wild but funny

 Ok, so about a decade ago My dad contacted me because the mother of my brother's child needed help (I think they were married. I'm not really sure. They might have been married at this point still. Who fucking knows) Anyways, she had shingles, and she was unable to watch my nephew. It was just too hard, too painful and granted shingles can really kick your ass. 

So I had agreed to take him, and I told my dad this was going to be hard financially, cause I was at that point divorced and a single mom trying to take care of a house and everything else. My dad would give me some money to help, but it wasn't a lot, just whatever he could afford. I ended up submitting paperwork to the state and got some financial help that way too.

They put him on a plane and flew my nephew to me. I had to pick him up at the airport -  special, you know, rules apply when there's a minor traveling by himself and my nephew at the time was about nine years old. 

So definitely minor and definitely had someone walking with them. I had to show my ID that I was picking him up all of that. 

I take him and he lived with me three to six months I think. It wasn't very long. It wasn't long enough, to really help him. But during that time, it was rough because I'm a very different person than his mom. I'm a very different person than his dad, my brother. I got him into school. Bought him clothes, shoes, whatever he needed. I got him into summer camp that summer before I had to send him back as well (thanks to the help of the State). 

But during that year or that time frame that I had him, he lost weight because he was eating healthy and eating home cooked meals. He was having fun. We went on hikes. We went to my boyfriend's house and he had two kids and we would go to movies or a park. We took him to the local fair/circus. It wasn't anything that big. But we got to see cool, neat stuff. He had his own room in my house. He got to play like Pokémon cards with one of our cousins and just be a kid. So it wasn't like anything bad in any way, shape or form.

 And his mom used to call almost daily and tell him that she really wants him to come home and all this stuff. Now she would literally tell me the opposite. You know, she was happy that I was watching him and helping her out and thankful that I was able to step in and take care of him because she couldn't. And then I handed the phone over to my nephew, and she would tell him that she can't afford to live without him, that she needs money from state/child support and that he needs to come home. And so this poor kid is 9 going on 10 and seriously conflicted. And at one point he literally said to me, he knows his dad loves him more, but that his mom can take better care of him. And we had a lot of conversations while he was with me but that one was painful. 

So summer comes up and I had him in summer camp. He's been in summer camp a couple weeks and this is the kind where you drop him off and pick him up the same day type of camp. Finally I guess her shingles was over and she wanted him to come home. And I remember talking to my dad saying I have no legal rights to this kid even though I did go through the state and try to submit all the legal stuff done because there in the beginning she was absolutely giving up rights to him, she had told me she could not take care of him and needed someone else to.

I should look up those court records online... they could never find her to respond because no one knew where she was living anyways. Back to it, she finally says she wants some home and I'm like OK I literally pack up all his stuff all the clothes I bought him all the clothes he came with everything. packed it up in this massive duffel bag checked it you know got him onto a plane and back to his mom.  The only negative thing I had heard before is that she said I sent him home with nothing, which is absolutely not true. 

I find out now 10 years later that she told him I kidnapped him. Are you fucking kidding me - that I kidnapped him. No, no, I did not kidnap him. That is the most insane thing ever. I was trying to help someone in my family because they're in a situation with their health and somehow now I'm a fucking kidnapper. Absolutely not, this annoys me so much because it is the most ridiculous thing ever. Ever.

A little bit of family history

You ever get a random thought and decide to do an internet search?

I found out he was a Pvt in the US Army, served in WW 2. He and Grandma got married 9-20-1945 and my Dad was born 6-2-46. He was 28 and Grandma 19 when my Dad was born. Wow.

Born: April 19, 1918, Died December 11, 1984 in Harris, Texas. He was only 66 years old. So young.

He's buried at Houston National Cemetery, plot I478.

We never knew him. I was told that him and my Grandma divorced when my Dad was 2, because he went to jail and she didn't think he would be out anytime soon. That was in 1948 for perspective. I have no idea if that's true. But I kinda think it is, because the man she married after him, I was told, was abusive and she was with him for a long time (until he passed I think). She was a stay at home mom, who did genealogy for about 30 years and published a book on it before she passed. She was married a total of 3 times. I only met her like 5 times while growing up.

I know we have traits that get passed down, and it's wild/weird when you do something or look like someone and have never known them or anyone on that side of the family. It's a bit of a, 'where did this come from', and you won't know due to situations like this.

I've always wondered if he had another family or more kids or was at least happy in his life. From what I know, he didn't remarry or have more kids. I hope he was able to be happy and enjoy what years he was alive. 

The weather is turning beautiful

 It's been at that utopia type of weather, sunny but not too hot or cold, literally the perfect kind of day. I know it's only a short moment at Spring/Summer and Summer/Fall that it happens, but I absolutely love it.

I hope it lasts a little bit longer. I know during the summer I'll be bringing an extra shirt for those hot sweaty days!!

But for now, I am living in it as much as I can :) Screw the pollen counts.

New Arm Tattoo - A cover up

 This is the before and with it partially removed. I've had this tattoo for a long time, probably close to 20 years, and I actually wasn't happy with it right after it was done. The image that was used for inspiration was just prettier and the tattooist that had done it just didn't jive with it I don't think. And honestly, if anything, that is my fault. I should have waited for a different artist, but I was so excited to get work done (my husband at the time was ok with the expense and I know that partially played into how fast I wanted to get it done, I didn't want to waste the opportunity).

So about 5 years ago I started to get it removed, enough that another artist could cover it up. I've had a 1,001 ideas of what to put there. Ranging from mermaids to a Celtic woman warrior, Disney villians, I mean a whole range of options.

Then I was like, you know. I just want something bold and beautiful and vague enough I won't have to explain it if I am wearing a tank top.

So here it is, the end result and beginning of the session.

I will say it's absolutely beautiful. I made me realize that I don't look at my body enough and I knew my arms are big (weight gain/loss fun) but I felt the body dysmorphia hard the other day. And still do to be honest, like I know what my weight is and I know the direction I am moving in is a healthier and better one. It's just...painful. All of it.

My brain is still wrapping around how big it is, the tattoo and my arms, and I am healing way differently than I have in the past. I've never had bruising before! The shock of getting old!

I do think I want to add a bee to this. Maybe something else, depending. That just means I need to keep saving money in the meantime!

Wowza the time has flown by

 It's been a hot moment since I've written. I don't know if that's good, bad or not anything to be honest.

Hysterectomy is done and gone, been over a year now. SOOOO many things with that, ok not the surgery directly, that went perfectly smooth. The whole HRT and menopause stuff is a bit annoying to say the least. That will be another post I'm sure.

The baby Jessie had is now an adorable toddler. Wish I got to see him more.

Still miss my son, but I love that I talk to him so much and we are going to visit him next year. That will be a bloody awesome trip! We are going to Disneyland Paris while there and so we've been looking into the different restaurants and things to do while there. I am submitting my passport here shortly for that. Going to France and the UK will be very exciting! I've only been outside the country once, and that was via a cruise. 

Baking  - now there seems my forte. Cheesecake, lemon bars, cookies. I sent close to 400 cookies to Raven for his shop. I've made Bailey's Cheesecake, Strawberry Cheesecake, Lemon (with lemon curd) Cheesecake and Pumpkin Pie Cheesecake. Mini, full size - cupcake size. Lemon bars are still a big fan favorite. Raven said my cookies helped morale and that's honestly the best feeling ever.

I feel like there are a 1,000 things to write about and I keep getting stuck and not being able to put a word down. 

I am crocheting a lot more. Have several blankets done and working on more <3 I do love crocheting blankets and things for people. I am also hoping to have a few saved for Raven/Jessie/whoever in the future for when I can't crochet anymore.

Ok, good first post in a long time. I want to write more often again. 

It's a lot like busy - to the tune of holiday music

 Work has been increasingly busy! Life has been catching up too! Between my surgery coming up, Jessie having the baby and helping out on the weekends and work just becoming this pretty non-stop daily thing, I am exhausted.

Exhausted.

Oh and lets add in some of those fun perimenopause symptoms coming around, with sleep being more elusive and some of mood swings are back.

But! I just did have my last fucking period!! That is so amazingly awesome and I just can't stop grinning every time I think about it. I am excited for this surgery - don't get me wrong, I understand there is going to be bit of a long recovery in general and that life will instantly be turned upside down - BUT things should even out (I need to contact my GP about HRT probably now) and things/life will be better. It's not just preventative, it's also quality of life for the next 10 years. Keep your fingers crossed I don't lose my mind and change all kinds of life options in the wrong ways.

Also, the holidays are literally right around the corner. Thanksgiving is next week and then it's surgery and then Christmas/Yule. It's just a lot! And with all these surgeries and health things this year, I will need a 2nd job to pay off this debt sooner rather than later. That will be a fun thing to figure out once I am out of the healing stage.

I think I have 90% of my gift shopping done. It's hard to make some decisions on what to get things for someone you love/care about and not make it too silly or unnecessary.

Oh and I am going to keep working on losing weight. I'd like to lose another 30 lbs in the next 6 months. Not sure how realistic that is with my hormones going off the rails here shortly, but I have hope and persistence. I want to lose 5 lbs before surgery, plan on re-doing the liquid diet I did for my last one. The first 3 days were the worst but after that it was livable. 

My cat Diego, who is 16 going on 17, is on thyroid meds and his kidneys are just barely starting to show some signs of potential issues, per the $355 vet visit last week. 

I miss my son.

Holding a baby is both therapeutic and amazing.

I need to cut my hair, clear off my nail polish and clean the shower. These are things that are on my mind on a regular, if not daily basis, but have yet to do them in that last 30 days. I have no idea why I am delaying, but none of them will take long to get accomplished. 

I have one more thing to fill out for the surgery too, a listing of everything I am taking (which is a website site and if I could be smart and get it done at work that would be fine but I feel like I need to get it done at home where are my things are...it's weird. Why is it so weird?)

See, it's all a bit of a cluster. I am spinning and throwing darts and hitting some targets but not all of them. And a lot of them are important targets.

I need to start using my planner, it was so helpful before and I got away from it because the routine, was well established routine. But right now so many things are shifting again. 

Also, people put their heads on pillows...not their feet. It would be nice not to use a pillow as a foot rest, especially without socks, all over a pillow that someone might be sleeping on later. I mean, ew. Ew. Granted, if your foot is injured and it's being elevated, that's one thing. No, this is just pushing bare feet against a pillow that is on the floor for some reason. Why is it on the floor? Why the need to put naked feet on it? Are those feet clean? It's just...ew. How am I going to clean this pillow now?? It's a larger one so damn.

In other news, it got freaking cold outside!  Which is both nice and annoying, as I really do that utopia temperature of 70 degrees with a crisp breeze or light wind. Winter is just around the corner and it will hopefully being a safe one and nothing too dramatic.

And I have also confirmed that I can not eat a lot of sugar in one sitting. It makes me nauseous and my stomach was not happy. I got hot. I was literally working in the garage without a jacket or my vest (I love my vest) to cool off which thankfully helped. Oh another thing happened a couple weeks ago. I must have drank water too close to eating because my mouth was just filling, FILLING, with salvia. It was a bit wild. So definitely do not drink within 20-30 minutes of eating, especially a meal that makes you full. 

Ok, I think my brain has run away enough for the evening. I need to get to bed and sleep a happy deep sleep. 

What you're not changing, you're choosing

 I saw this quote today and it really hit me. It is making me think...about a lot of things

A little Disney Boo

I am so excited! We booked a mini vacation to Orlando for Halloween/Samhain weekend. That shit will be so much fun. We are going to Epcot for 1 day, during the food and wine festival. I am trying to figure out, since I don't eat a whole lot anymore, what foods I DO want to eat. They have all these little vendors dotted through the walk and so many interesting things to try! I know we gotta pace ourselves, and I feel like everything I want to really try is only in a couple sections. Maybe it's just a good excuse to walk the Showcase several times and just try to get it all in. I know there are some new rides there too, and with Jessie's baby being born at that point, knowing me - I'm going to want to shop for him too. So that day will definitely been full of walking.

We will spend a day in Downtown Disney, which honestly is always fun. I love going in the shops, eating at our favorite places and people watching. It is never boring or annoying. 

I love the fact we can get a direct flight, a quick uber and just be embraced in the mood so quickly.

I also bought the following, which will go up on the balcony 10/1, if not sooner.

   

The ghost is 5 feet and the colors can change :) The purple fairy lights, I only got 1 string (but it's 66 feet) but I think I can make it look good in that little space ! Neither item was expensive so if I need more lights I am down with that. I need to go through what fall/holiday stuff I brought back from storage and get that put up as well. And even though it gets windy, that ghost is going to look perfect.

Today's the first full day of fall, there is a chill and wind and I just want to breathe it all in and let it wake up my soul.

It seems I need some more coffee :D

Minor updates

 There is a lot I want to write about, but I'm not quite sure where to start!!

It was my love's birthday. So that is awesome ;)

My niece is due to have her baby in about 3 weeks. That's super exciting and I can't wait !!

Work - is work. Not sure what is interesting about it right now - just the normal frustrations and good stuff.

Medical - now this subject matter is more tedious than anything. 

WLS - Still losing, sorta. I'm in a stall (but honestly I'm stalled between 193 and 194, so that's an awesome place to stall at) and I will focus more next week and breaking the stall and getting losing again.

Medical Billing - good gods the medical billing can be frustrating. I literally paid my portion but for some reason 1 Dr's office is like - we see that payment amount but it says that I still owe so therefore you still owe. I'm not paying it twice fuckers. So I called my HSA card people and my Insurance people and hopefully all this new lovely documents will help them understand math better. Thankfully though, all my other ones have been good and nothing too outrageous.

Hysterectomy - this is coming up in December. I am excited to have this done. I am a wee bit stressed about the recovery. Mainly that it may take longer and I am trying to go back to work after 2 weeks. I took off 4 with my last surgery, and 2 surgeries in 1 year, it just seems like a lot. I am also trying to do more research into HRT because I am going to want the hormones. Instant menopause (is waaaay better than the typical 7-10 years of that shit) means that I'll want those hormones sooner rather than later. Peri sucked and I don't want that again and nor would I wish that on any woman.

I also think about the fact you should not have sex for 2-3 months, that recovery means months in general and I really hope it doesn't cause me to stall the whole time in my weight loss. It's a lot. But the long run is, with my genetics and whatnot, I will be healthier. And that is important. Focus on the goal!

So in a nut shell, life is good, nothing bad is going on and there are a lot of changes coming up.