5.31.2018

Just...Happy

When I was driving into work today, sipping on my coffee, I just felt so...happy. Like, genuinely care free happy.

We have a trip coming up in 10 days, to Utah and Colorado. We have a vacation to Williamsburg, VA in August. My boyfriend is freaking amazing. My kid is freaking awesome. My cats are totally adorable (even if Diego is cranky most of the time). And life in general is pretty damn good.

Life is good, Love is awesome, and I am very blessed in both

5.23.2018

Codependent

Codependency is a type of dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables another person's drug addictionalcoholismgambling addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement.[1] Among the core characteristics of codependency, the most common theme is an excessive reliance on other people for approval and a sense of identity.[1] Given its grassroots origin, the precise definition of codependency varies based on the source but can be generally characterized as a subclinical and situational or episodic behavior similar to that of dependent personality disorder.[1] In its broadest definition, a codependent is someone who cannot function from their innate self and whose thinking and behavior is instead organized around another person, or even a process, or substance.[2] In this context, people who are addicted to a substance, like drugs, or a process, like gambling or sex, can also be considered codependent. In its most narrow definition, it requires one person to be physically or psychologically addicted, such as to heroin, and the second person to be psychologically dependent on that behavior.[3] Some users of the codependency concept use the word as an alternative to using the concept of dysfunctional families, without statements that classify it as a disease.[4]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependency

Co-Dependency

Co-dependency is a learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive. The disorder was first identified about ten years ago as the result of years of studying interpersonal relationships in families of alcoholics. Co-dependent behavior is learned by watching and imitating other family members who display this type of behavior.

Who Does Co-dependency Affect?

Co-dependency often affects a spouse, a parent, sibling, friend, or co-worker of a person afflicted with alcohol or drug dependence. Originally, co-dependent was a term used to describe partners in chemical dependency, persons living with, or in a relationship with an addicted person. Similar patterns have been seen in people in relationships with chronically or mentally ill individuals. Today, however, the term has broadened to describe any co-dependent person from any dysfunctional family.

What is a Dysfunctional Family and How Does it Lead to Co-dependency?

A dysfunctional family is one in which members suffer from fear, anger, pain, or shame that is ignored or denied. Underlying problems may include any of the following:
  • An addiction by a family member to drugs, alcohol, relationships, work, food, sex, or gambling.
  • The existence of physical, emotional, or sexual abuse.
  • The presence of a family member suffering from a chronic mental or physical illness.
Dysfunctional families do not acknowledge that problems exist. They don’t talk about them or confront them. As a result, family members learn to repress emotions and disregard their own needs. They become “survivors.” They develop behaviors that help them deny, ignore, or avoid difficult emotions. They detach themselves. They don’t talk. They don’t touch. They don’t confront. They don’t feel. They don’t trust. The identity and emotional development of the members of a dysfunctional family are often inhibited
Attention and energy focus on the family member who is ill or addicted. The co-dependent person typically sacrifices his or her needs to take care of a person who is sick. When co-dependents place other people’s health, welfare and safety before their own, they can lose contact with their own needs, desires, and sense of self.

How Do Co-dependent People Behave?

Co-dependents have low self-esteem and look for anything outside of themselves to make them feel better. They find it hard to “be themselves.” Some try to feel better through alcohol, drugs or nicotine - and become addicted. Others may develop compulsive behaviors like workaholism, gambling, or indiscriminate sexual activity.
They have good intentions. They try to take care of a person who is experiencing difficulty, but the caretaking becomes compulsive and defeating. Co-dependents often take on a martyr’s role and become “benefactors” to an individual in need. A wife may cover for her alcoholic husband; a mother may make excuses for a truant child; or a father may “pull some strings” to keep his child from suffering the consequences of delinquent behavior.
The problem is that these repeated rescue attempts allow the needy individual to continue on a destructive course and to become even more dependent on the unhealthy caretaking of the “benefactor.” As this reliance increases, the co-dependent develops a sense of reward and satisfaction from “being needed.” When the caretaking becomes compulsive, the co-dependent feels choiceless and helpless in the relationship, but is unable to break away from the cycle of behavior that causes it. Co-dependents view themselves as victims and are attracted to that same weakness in the love and friendship relationships.

Characteristics of Co-dependent People Are:

  • An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others
  • A tendency to confuse love and pity, with the tendency to “love” people they can pity and rescue
  • A tendency to do more than their share, all of the time
  • A tendency to become hurt when people don’t recognize their efforts
  • An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co-dependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment
  • An extreme need for approval and recognition
  • A sense of guilt when asserting themselves
  • A compelling need to control others
  • Lack of trust in self and/or others
  • Fear of being abandoned or alone
  • Difficulty identifying feelings
  • Rigidity/difficulty adjusting to change
  • Problems with intimacy/boundaries
  • Chronic anger
  • Lying/dishonesty
  • Poor communications
  • Difficulty making decisions

Questionnaire To Identify Signs Of Co-dependency

This condition appears to run in different degrees, whereby the intensity of symptoms are on a spectrum of severity, as opposed to an all or nothing scale. Please note that only a qualified professional can make a diagnosis of co-dependency; not everyone experiencing these symptoms suffers from co-dependency.
1. Do you keep quiet to avoid arguments?

2. Are you always worried about others’ opinions of you?

3. Have you ever lived with someone with an alcohol or drug problem?

4. Have you ever lived with someone who hits or belittles you?

5. Are the opinions of others more important than your own?

6. Do you have difficulty adjusting to changes at work or home?

7. Do you feel rejected when significant others spend time with friends?

8. Do you doubt your ability to be who you want to be?

9. Are you uncomfortable expressing your true feelings to others?

10. Have you ever felt inadequate?

11. Do you feel like a “bad person” when you make a mistake?

12. Do you have difficulty taking compliments or gifts?

13. Do you feel humiliation when your child or spouse makes a mistake?

14. Do you think people in your life would go downhill without your constant efforts?

15. Do you frequently wish someone could help you get things done?

16. Do you have difficulty talking to people in authority, such as the police or your boss?

17. Are you confused about who you are or where you are going with your life?

18. Do you have trouble saying “no” when asked for help?

19. Do you have trouble asking for help?

20. Do you have so many things going at once that you can’t do justice to any of them?
If you identify with several of these symptoms; are dissatisfied with yourself or your relationships; you should consider seeking professional help. Arrange for a diagnostic evaluation with a licensed physician or psychologist experienced in treating co-dependency.

How is Co-dependency Treated?

Because co-dependency is usually rooted in a person’s childhood, treatment often involves exploration into early childhood issues and their relationship to current destructive behavior patterns. Treatment includes education, experiential groups, and individual and group therapy through which co-dependents rediscover themselves and identify self-defeating behavior patterns. Treatment also focuses on helping patients getting in touch with feelings that have been buried during childhood and on reconstructing family dynamics. The goal is to allow them to experience their full range of feelings again.

When Co-dependency Hits Home

The first step in changing unhealthy behavior is to understand it. It is important for co-dependents and their family members to educate themselves about the course and cycle of addiction and how it extends into their relationships. Libraries, drug and alcohol abuse treatment centers and mental health centers often offer educational materials and programs to the public.
A lot of change and growth is necessary for the co-dependent and his or her family. Any caretaking behavior that allows or enables abuse to continue in the family needs to be recognized and stopped. The co-dependent must identify and embrace his or her feelings and needs. This may include learning to say “no,” to be loving yet tough, and learning to be self-reliant. People find freedom, love, and serenity in their recovery.
Hope lies in learning more. The more you understand co-dependency the better you can cope with its effects. Reaching out for information and assistance can help someone live a healthier, more fulfilling life
http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/co-dependency

4.17.2018

3.29.2018

Classes be like

Previously:
I am taking Business Finance, and I am going to die. My brain has melted and this shit is hard.


And then:
Oh, ok, well this makes more sense now and I am doing good.

11.16.2017

Awesome Weekend


So this past weekend, my love and I went to the Rhode Island Comic Con, and it was freaking amazing. We got to meet so many people, Elijah Wood (his eyes are soooo blue!), Dave Bautista, Justin Roiland (he was freaking hilarious in his panel), Mike Colton (Luke Cage, his brother is a drummer, which is cool), Simone (Luke Cage, I got to speak with her for like 20 minutes, it was so beyond cool), and so many more! I can't even remember all of them right now! I just know it was this 3 day weekend of bliss and fun.



Here is a pic of my heart, sound asleep as I work on my paper for my class (I got an A, so that was a feat and a half!) We stayed at the Biltmore, it was so old and artistic and the bed was beyond comfortable. If I could have bought those pillows to bring home, I would have in a heartbeat!

I had to write a 6 page paper, it was due on Sunday. So I worked on it Friday night, got up at 7 am Saturday, 7 am Sunday and even finished it on the drive back. I barely made it, turned it just before midnight on Sunday.

We had dinner Friday night at this great little Irish pub right (Murphy's) across the street from the convention center. Saturday night, it was a different pub, Trinity (which we had gone to last year) down the street. Both were so good! Different in ways, but still perfect each time.

So, back to my homework once again :) Thankfully this class is over next week and I have a month break before classes start again in January.

Thanksgiving is coming up, then we are off again on a 3 day weekend to Orlando (Mickey's Magical Christmas), hanging out in Disney Springs. I am looking forward to a warm respite from the cold weather that is coming on. I love the seasons, all of them, it;s just sometimes nice to get a mini break during them :)


10.12.2017

Another post, another random thought

It's been a good day so far. Of course, I still have 3 forum posts to write (for my classes) and a lot of work to get done, but honestly, it's just been a good day.

Progress is important. I've gotten a lot accomplished this morning, and by adding coffee into the mix now I feel like things are still progressing :)

Work has been - BUSY as fuck. Seriously, like it's been this nonstop train ride without an exit in sight. Which is a good thing, I much rather be busy than bored.

School is also busy. I am wrapping up a class on HRM this week and started one on business ethics last week. It's a balancing act, between school, kids, and work, but I love it. I do miss reading though. I think out of everything with school, I miss reading for pleasure the most. I am pretty excited for an upcoming trip with my love, where there will be time for that, drinking, eating and lots of fun :)