that sound of silence that makes you want to breathe and cry at the same time. the moment of the a day where you can feel your heart beat and you don't want it to because of the pain it may cause. That brief, ever so brief of a moment where you are so frustrated and happy for it that you can't imagine how insane it can be to function in an every day world. the music of that silence, the harmony of the quiet that is so damn loud that you feel shattered by it It's a moment I crave and want and don't want to exist in. That heart break of losing him, that idea of drinking his favorite drink and remembering his voice and how amazing his hug was. I want to cry but I just want silence, the quiet of my mind and soul. I want to feel numb and delve into the deeps of why I even feel this way. That silence, where you feel it and hear it and dwell in it, all at the same time as the cars pass by and the cat meows at me and the work must continue. No, I want to silence the ache in my heart and silence the pain I don't feel at the sadness. I need a breath, a painstakingly difficult moment of silence.
