11.21.2009

Busy Saturday in Florida

Got an early wake up call from work that up at 6:50am. At least it was something simple, but could not get back to sleep - argh!

I decide to pack a box of stuff that included my small artwork portfolio's, some figures and a couple other items. Since it was a big box, I had to keep it light. Since one of the figures going into the box needed to be photographed, I went out and took some shots of her. Here is one of the photos I took.

Also decided to give the car a bath as the mold was getting out of hand again. Took about $4.00 and a lot of elbow grease, but she looks better now. I just wish I had gotten both headlights replaced when she was in an accident a while ago. One headlight is new, while the other one has mold growing inside it (I think).

11.19.2009

Flyleaf


I was looking around for a new sound a while ago and discovered this band called Flyleaf. This band reminds me of Evanesence, but a harder / lost soul edge. Lacey packs a hell of a lot of emotion in such that small package with her songs ~ check out "I'm So Sick" for what I mean. Their videos are out of the world as well and very edgy to match their energy.

Lacey
I was surprised to see a group like this to come out of Texas - figured it would be a Country band. Flyleaf is far from that and ROCKS each song to the core of your soul! They were also a hit Christian band - which was a big surprise to me.

I picked up their self named CD Flyleaf off of iTunes and also got their videos for Again, Sorrow and Fully Alive. Check out some of the videos at their MySpace page to see for yourself.

Birthday Yesterday

Yesterday was my 45th birthday. Yada yada yada :P

The family is up North so not much happening around the old homestead. I had some left over Pizza from work with Buffalo Wing dipping sauce and a Sapporo Beer.

I had rented Blood - The Last Vampire, so I threw that on the dvd player. It was funny watching the blood spill out like thick syrup when she sliced off their body parts. Then I watched several episodes of Dragonaut, an anime to get my fill of people that turn into Dragons and Big Boobies.

Did talk with a friend of my wife who is in a secret location for a while just trying to catch up. She wants to get together on Saturday night to go out and celebrate my birthday along with our friend Jackie. Not sure where I want to go, but did mention Scarlett's (strip club), but knew I would be turned into a eunuch if I went. Oh well, not really sure or know what is going to happen on Saturday night. Not really in the mood to go out and what not.

Not even sure how Thanksgiving will roll out for me either. Maybe I will get a Turkey Log and some veggies. My wife will be having fun at a friend's house for the holidays. They were even kind enough to give us a washer and dryer they have laying around.

Have to go as an important person is arriving at work soon and need to look like I am actually doing something - ACK!

11.16.2009

Standing Naked to the Universe

standing naked to the universe
no where to hide
no where to go

see what i have to offer
my hands are extended
i have nothing to offer but myself

standing naked to the universe
no where to hide
no where to go

i have no way of identifying myself
no way for you to acknowledge me
my existence is thus null

standing naked to the universe
no where to hide
no where to go

awaiting my punishment
as i have not been the best living
but who is ever a Saint in life

standing naked to the universe
no where to hide
no where to go

who will listen
who will accept me
who will see me without judgement

standing naked to the universe
no where to hide
no where to go

i turn to go back
i am sorry
but no one hears me

standing naked to the universe
no where to hide
no where to go

is that a tear
no, just something in my eye
i welcome the darkness

standing naked to the universe
no where to hide
no where to go

I QUIT!

I QUIT - I can't take the stresses placed on me by my family, my work and just the damn overall environment.

For the first time in months, I had terrible chest pains last night. It took 45 minutes to get them down to a point I could go to sleep. What made it worse is that I woke up about 2 something in the morning with a mild case of chest pains. That only took 10 minutes to fully get over (I think).

I have a better conversation with my Dad today (even though he does say some really crazy stuff - see below), than I did with my wife yesterday.

My wife ends up telling me she is "Grumpy" and it is okay for her to be that way when talking with me - lovely. So no matter how I feel or what I need to talk with her about, I hold back because I don't want the conversation to go badly. I do not know if she maybe grumpy, angry, pissed, moody, sneezey or dopey when I call her now. I mean, I am actually ending the conversations before we have finished what the call was about. It is hard to try to make decisions while both parties are 1100 miles apart and have no communication.

Now my Dad's conversations get a little whacked. As an example, he said the issues my family is having is because we are "Anti-Christian" (we are Pagan - ie: do not believe in any specific god and follow the life cycles of nature). He is worried for our son because he has not been baptized yet -he was going to secret him away and get him baptized one day. Remember your Bible Study days, he who is not baptized will not be allowed through the Gates of Heaven - LOL - whatever! Now my wife would of taken this as a personal attack on her family. I know my Dad is just taking out loud on concerns he has and thus she takes things too much to heart when it is not meant that way.

He is actually showing remorse for everything that happened and wishes he could take back what did transpire (though my wife will just say "Fuck You, you Old Bastard"). Of course, she will also say that I am taking "His" side of the issue when in fact I am taking no sides. I am just trying to be a happy family again.

Maybe it is the fact that me and her are 11 years apart in age. I see things in a different perspective than she does and it leads to a huge misunderstanding at times. If we keep dwelling on "what was" and not "what can be", then there is no hope.

We need to learn the lessons of the Past, but not live in the Past. So for the future, no more living with relatives, no matter how great it sounds.

Now for the torrid rebut from my love assistant, I mean my wife.

Shit - chest is starting to hurt again - dammit!