Surgery, Projects and Changes - oh my!

Holy fuck I haven't written in a long time!! There have been a couple moments in the last year where I've thought about and even came here to write but I just...didn't.

OK, so some quick updates then! 

 I had a double mastectomy with an immediate Diep Flap reconstruction in February. I was off for 2 months and while for the most part it was a good and non complicated recovery, there was some minor issues once I got home from the hospital. I don't know if it was a reaction to the surgical tape used or if one of my 4 drains kinked at some point in the 1.5 hour drive home or whatever, but I ended up with some lovely blisters on both breasts which necessitated daily wound treatment. My boyfriend did absolutely an awesome job in assisting with that. And I loved the overall results! I will say, the resulting size was somewhat larger that I was anticipating...and I won't argue if they go down a little bit.

Another side of effect of a 13 hour surgery and 3 days in the hospital, I came over literally 11 lbs heavier. That was wild. I swear it's all in my thighs. I gained another 7-8 lbs in the proceeding months. I was not stressing over this, I know that it's temporary and I'll lose the weight again. It is annoying.

Then I just had another surgery last week, it was an outpatient surgery and again it was for the breasts and the dog ears on my hips from the Diep Flap. Minor reconstruction to fix some of the typical things that need to be fixed once the healing is mostly done and the swelling is resolved. And holy fuck there was some lipo involved and that shit, THAT fucking hurts. 

I will eventually lose the weight and once that is stable, I would definitely like to get these puppies lifted. I do hope they also go down in size as I lose weight but if they don't, it's what it is.

And when I look in the mirror, it's absolutely crazy to see how skinny I look. I do not recognize myself. I will eventually buy new clothes and whatnot, right now I am fitting in my older clothes and I've gotten some hand me downs to tide me over and I have bought a couple of new shirts and things that I needed for surgery anyways. And oh wow, having to find things that don't bother my abdomen has been wild! 

~.~.~.~ 

Yarn - I have SO MUCH YARN! When I hear about Joann's going out of business in January, I absolutely panic bought a shit ton of yarn. So. I decided to open a small business, Stitch & Cuddle. At some point I will get my website updated. I've made several items so far this year already, see below.

 

   

 

 

 There are more I've made and I need to get more pictures done. I need to get some of my finances updated with the state with what's already been done but otherwise, I seem to be stress crocheting a lot. Thankfully I have quite a few projects that will benefit because of this. Suffice it to say, everyone is getting home made gifts this year for the holidays and birthdays. 

~.~.~.~ 

 And both of these things are part of the changes. Another change - potentially - is work. We are being acquired rather soon and I'll find if I have a job still. No stress, none at all (insert eye roll here). Part of the reason I am stress crocheting. Especially with this market, political environment and everything else. The world is only slightly insane right now. This is very, very stressful. I really don't like this timeline to be honest and I hope to wake up to a better world at some point. If I am let go, I will do what I do and figure it out and life will be okay. 

 That's my quick update for the hot moment. 

Ok, so I finally read the text

 And I thought it would be worse. It seems like she is seriously and fundamentally confused. Like, on everything. She mixed random thoughts in with a hint of a truth. And by a hint, it's a stretch of a hint from another Marvel multi-universe. Maybe it's an alternate reality. I don't know.

I'm not upset, or mad or hurt. It's all just sad. 

Her verbiage though, it's like she's trying to upset me or get me to react in a hurt manner and I just don't feel anything. And I don't because what she is saying is so absolutely not true or real so it doesn't mean anything. 

And I suppose me being truly content and happy (ok, not with politics or where the world is about to be headed, but aside from all of that) with my life and choices in my life seems to make some people upset. I don't have to justify my happiness or my choices to anyone. Nor does anyone have to do that with me. 

This is just wild. But ok.

It's all still insane

 I am still processing. I think I am in a slightly better place. I've definitely already lost 1 friend. She blew up my phone, unfriended me on Facebook, went quiet and then texted me again from a different number. I read the headline of her text but not all of it because how fucking LONG that text was.

My niece came over yesterday, I asked her to read some of our previous texts so she could see what all the conversation was about politics and then the one I didn't read because I wanted to make sure I wasn't being an asshole. If I am, then I need to make adjustments. If I'm not, then it's not on me. And she was like, she sounds like her mom - which means my now ex-friend is acting crazy crazy. Hard core crazy if you will. 

I feel like I want to hand out Kool-Aid packets.

I don't understand, how a woman who is on the witchy side of things and has always been open minded I thought is now just sooooo far down the cult rabbit hole. And became so mean in the process. Damn.

Opinion

Can someone explain to me, like I'm 5, how ones "opinion" is somehow better than known facts? Or how a fact or proof of a previous action, say the Jan 6 insurrection or 34 felony convictions, is somehow not impactful to the choice of a leader of a country? Or how ones decision to follow that direction is going to be ok to just hang and drink a beer with, because you know, fuck whatever else is going on we can still drink together right? Still be friends? Still pretend we have the same values or cares or morals? I am really struggling with this. How do I remain a friend to someone who, even if they didn't think their vote counted bc of where they live, still actually CHOSE that person ?? I mean, trying to tell me this issue or that issue or whatever is the THING, that they were voting about. Seriously? 
Can you not see the bigger picture?
UGH
o·pin·ion

/əˈpiny(ə)n/

noun

1. a view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.

   "I'm writing to voice my opinion on an issue of great importance"
2. 
   
3. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/opinion

1

a

: a view, judgment, or appraisal formed in the mind about a particular matter

We asked them for their opinions about the new stadium.

b

: approval, esteem

I have no great opinion of his work.

2

a

: belief stronger than impression and less strong than positive knowledge

a person of rigid opinions

b

: a generally held view

news programs that shape public opinion

3

a

: a formal expression of judgment or advice by an expert

My doctor says that I need an operation, but I'm going to get a second opinion.

b

: the formal expression (as by a judge, court, or referee) of the legal reasons and principles upon which a legal decision is based

The article discusses the recent Supreme Court opinion.

Back to logging

 I have not really logged my food consistently for several months now. I still have been losing weight, I am on Wegovy and Metformin, so that is why and well the fact that I had WLS and my stomach is still small. But I know I have NOT been eating right, I need more water and protein and need to reshape some of my current habits. It's just kinda wild how the Wegovy as intensified my cravings for sugar. I definitely don't drink alcohol nearly as much. 

3 steps forward and 1 step back. I won't argue it at all.

Dr. is now switching me to Zepbound and I will see how this goes. Since I will have surgery early next year, all the weight I can lose now (ugh and all the ab workouts I can do) would be beneficial.

Which is why I am back to logging and seeing a clearer picture of far I've gotten out of balance.

I am still 70 lbs down from where I started and to be honest, that is awesome sauce right there. Even if I maintained, I would be happy. 

Awesome conversation

 So I had to call my cell company, because I had called France to cancel a trip and got billed $246 for the conversation, which honestly wasn't even worth it because the deposit I got back was $149. 

Anyways, I called and spoke with this super nice lady about it and we were talking and I don't even know how the subject came up but we start talking about hysterectomies and menopause and periods and the next thing I know I am giving her all kinds of information and verbiage and reddits to check out. Because seriously, women's health is critical and it's not validated enough when a woman says she wants something so that her life is better.

It was a good conversation and it felt good to be able to share information, experiences and resources.

Yes, I did get a partial credit on my expensive phone call to France, thankfully it will help with that sting.

More family drama - wild but funny

 Ok, so about a decade ago My dad contacted me because the mother of my brother's child needed help (I think they were married. I'm not really sure. They might have been married at this point still. Who fucking knows) Anyways, she had shingles, and she was unable to watch my nephew. It was just too hard, too painful and granted shingles can really kick your ass. 

So I had agreed to take him, and I told my dad this was going to be hard financially, cause I was at that point divorced and a single mom trying to take care of a house and everything else. My dad would give me some money to help, but it wasn't a lot, just whatever he could afford. I ended up submitting paperwork to the state and got some financial help that way too.

They put him on a plane and flew my nephew to me. I had to pick him up at the airport -  special, you know, rules apply when there's a minor traveling by himself and my nephew at the time was about nine years old. 

So definitely minor and definitely had someone walking with them. I had to show my ID that I was picking him up all of that. 

I take him and he lived with me three to six months I think. It wasn't very long. It wasn't long enough, to really help him. But during that time, it was rough because I'm a very different person than his mom. I'm a very different person than his dad, my brother. I got him into school. Bought him clothes, shoes, whatever he needed. I got him into summer camp that summer before I had to send him back as well (thanks to the help of the State). 

But during that year or that time frame that I had him, he lost weight because he was eating healthy and eating home cooked meals. He was having fun. We went on hikes. We went to my boyfriend's house and he had two kids and we would go to movies or a park. We took him to the local fair/circus. It wasn't anything that big. But we got to see cool, neat stuff. He had his own room in my house. He got to play like Pokémon cards with one of our cousins and just be a kid. So it wasn't like anything bad in any way, shape or form.

 And his mom used to call almost daily and tell him that she really wants him to come home and all this stuff. Now she would literally tell me the opposite. You know, she was happy that I was watching him and helping her out and thankful that I was able to step in and take care of him because she couldn't. And then I handed the phone over to my nephew, and she would tell him that she can't afford to live without him, that she needs money from state/child support and that he needs to come home. And so this poor kid is 9 going on 10 and seriously conflicted. And at one point he literally said to me, he knows his dad loves him more, but that his mom can take better care of him. And we had a lot of conversations while he was with me but that one was painful. 

So summer comes up and I had him in summer camp. He's been in summer camp a couple weeks and this is the kind where you drop him off and pick him up the same day type of camp. Finally I guess her shingles was over and she wanted him to come home. And I remember talking to my dad saying I have no legal rights to this kid even though I did go through the state and try to submit all the legal stuff done because there in the beginning she was absolutely giving up rights to him, she had told me she could not take care of him and needed someone else to.

I should look up those court records online... they could never find her to respond because no one knew where she was living anyways. Back to it, she finally says she wants some home and I'm like OK I literally pack up all his stuff all the clothes I bought him all the clothes he came with everything. packed it up in this massive duffel bag checked it you know got him onto a plane and back to his mom.  The only negative thing I had heard before is that she said I sent him home with nothing, which is absolutely not true. 

I find out now 10 years later that she told him I kidnapped him. Are you fucking kidding me - that I kidnapped him. No, no, I did not kidnap him. That is the most insane thing ever. I was trying to help someone in my family because they're in a situation with their health and somehow now I'm a fucking kidnapper. Absolutely not, this annoys me so much because it is the most ridiculous thing ever. Ever.

A little bit of family history

You ever get a random thought and decide to do an internet search?

I found out he was a Pvt in the US Army, served in WW 2. He and Grandma got married 9-20-1945 and my Dad was born 6-2-46. He was 28 and Grandma 19 when my Dad was born. Wow.

Born: April 19, 1918, Died December 11, 1984 in Harris, Texas. He was only 66 years old. So young.

He's buried at Houston National Cemetery, plot I478.

We never knew him. I was told that him and my Grandma divorced when my Dad was 2, because he went to jail and she didn't think he would be out anytime soon. That was in 1948 for perspective. I have no idea if that's true. But I kinda think it is, because the man she married after him, I was told, was abusive and she was with him for a long time (until he passed I think). She was a stay at home mom, who did genealogy for about 30 years and published a book on it before she passed. She was married a total of 3 times. I only met her like 5 times while growing up.

I know we have traits that get passed down, and it's wild/weird when you do something or look like someone and have never known them or anyone on that side of the family. It's a bit of a, 'where did this come from', and you won't know due to situations like this.

I've always wondered if he had another family or more kids or was at least happy in his life. From what I know, he didn't remarry or have more kids. I hope he was able to be happy and enjoy what years he was alive.