I was looking at inspiration quotes and saw this one.
I know I haven't been happy and I've been trying to find my vibe, my groove to shift that. It's hard!
Me being me, I have to search and analyze and see if something like X, Y or Z works and if not try something else. And sometimes a small thing will work for a short time and I think I'm unto something but then a big fat NOPE.
The stress of the holidays didn't help. The never ending stress at the job, will I or won't I get laid off, is still staring at me.
And then when you have an epiphany, and you're like "oh...oh damn" and you hate that epiphany because of what it means and you want to be in a different timeline or multi-verse. But then you don't feel as numb. You aren't as angry or annoyed because you realize at least one small part of your own down-self issue of what's causing stupid unhappiness is in yourself.
I don't know even half of what I am feeling. I know some pieces. I feel like I have this trail of bread crumbs I need to follow for a bit and see where it leads.
It's just fucking hard.
Changing how you view yourself, how to set boundaries, how to have inner peace and then maybe outer peace, is really fucking difficult. Changing - and I have never been scared of changes - is work.
Right now, I just want my time. I just want me. I don't want or need much other than that. I need time to focus and breathe and exist without anyone but me. That is so beyond hard it's wild.
