A lot of little things

Ok, so life is all over the place lately.

Since I am now officially divorced (YAY) I can legally change my last name. Now, first I must got to Social Security to do this, then the DMV and after that, it's everything from my bank accounts/credit cards, to house/car titles to ordering new checks to work and anything I've ever used my married last name for (like LinkedIn). I need to make a fucking list.

I am also in the process of opening an IRA account for the money that is from the Ex per the divorce. Who knew that can take such a process, and don't you know, it's smarter to wait until my name is changed.

My nephew's mother is a piece of work and is now stating she can't raise her son, again. I have no idea what's going to happen, I just know that last time is was painful and hard to change our lives into a new family when we took him. Got him fit, changed his outlook, started really teaching him positive things and then she demanded him back 4 months later. And not even 2 months goes by and she's all - I was wrong to take him back. I told her (and everyone) that he has to go into the foster care system. That she has to really give him up. Because I am not a yo-yo and this poor kid has already been too through to fucking much to keep on doing shit to him. And if I could be his foster mom, that is better than informal kinship without much help. Ugh. And honestly, right now, that's sadly a big IF. He's a great kid, in that he can be a great kid. He's a smart mouth, a know-it-all, and exhausting. He deserves better than he's gotten, but I can't change the past. I don't even know if I can help him now. Until you raise someone else's kid, you have no idea how different and hard it is. How much you change and sacrifice and at the end of it still feel like whatever you do won't matter...he has the gene's of my drug addict/alcoholic brother and his always-theVictim/NoResponsibility-manipulative mother.  That is a tall fucking order. But wait, let me know rearrange my whole life (again) and possibly damage my relationship and hope my 13 yo son isn't a constant prick, because I'm the only one available. That makes me feel awesome, not. I'm already a single parent. I remember lots of time crying in the shower because I was so stressed. I know that part of that was IN PART because he really thought this was temporary (and oh look it was) and he didn't see the point of making a connection. I have no idea if he's going to make a connection. Who wants to raise someone who doesn't WANT to connect with you. That hurts. Why, again, would I want to do that??????? Because he's my nephew? My brother's son? Because it's not his fault his parents are assholes and he's gotten the shaft for the last 9 years? I just don't know...

My son is 13, and his hormones are like a permanent case of PMS. I never know when he's going to have a melt down, which includes throwing a 5'8" sized temper tantrum, cussing and yelling, stalking off and slamming doors and then crying. And then apologizing for being a dickhead. Ugh.

And throwing a traumatized 9 year old into that? Ugh.

And trying to get house/home/yard cleaned, organized, anything on top of that? LOL. I need more energy it seems. Or something.

School starts Wednesday.

I was contemplating going back to college, actually get a degree.

At least I am getting my period still, on a regular basis. For over a year now. That says something to me in a very profound way.

I think for right now, I am going to keep my goals small. Keep my life simple. I only want complicated in the books I read.

I have a lot of thinking to do.

I am looking forward at least to a couple things. The Maryland Renaissance Festival and a mini vacation to Myrtle Beach.

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