I had thoughts this morning...I know I fucking did. I am trying to get back to that space while I was about to get gas and then to work because it's one of those moments, where you're like ok I want to write about that.
Wait ! It was when I was going over the bridge and I was thinking about wanting to write, ahem, and how I seem to have a much better time writing (or texting, emails, etc. etc.) than I do talking to someone, or sharing a story with someone.
And granted I don't exactly think anyone is going to read this shit, it's really for me to get stuff out and think and process and move on with.
But I was think that, writing is in part in how I just exist without having to talk as much. Don't get me wrong, I talk - all the time - but mostly at work it feels like. Is it because I am at work more than home ? That would make sense. But I feel like, which means it's my perception and not necessarily true true, that when I'm at home, it's more of directions on things to get done or just every day normal boring same old shit. Also, if it's the same shit every time, why in the fucking world do I need to ask/explain/request/whatever anymore ? I am 50 fucking years old. Enough already.
AND the other thing is, I am just soooo fucking tired of having to explain everything. Every Mother Fucking Thing. Can someone please take those reins for a bit so I can have a break. Every single thing, I have to explain. And while I usually am very ok with this, I am tired. I have explained everything with my age, hormones, surgeries, TV shows being watched, books, jokes, anything I say/do it seems needs a fucking explanation and it would just be really really nice to not.
But if I don't, then it's my fault they have the lack of understanding - and granted that's not always the case but it feels that way.
/rant
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