Just thinking thoughts...

 I had thoughts this morning...I know I fucking did. I am trying to get back to that space while I was about to get gas and then to work because it's one of those moments, where you're like ok I want to write about that.

Wait ! It was when I was going over the bridge and I was thinking about wanting to write, ahem, and how I seem to have a much better time writing (or texting, emails, etc. etc.) than I do talking to someone, or sharing a story with someone. 

And granted I don't exactly think anyone is going to read this shit, it's really for me to get stuff out and think and process and move on with. 

But I was think that, writing is in part in how I just exist without having to talk as much. Don't get me wrong, I talk - all the time - but mostly at work it feels like. Is it because I am at work more than home ? That would make sense. But I feel like, which means it's my perception and not necessarily true true, that when I'm at home, it's more of directions on things to get done or just every day normal boring same old shit. Also, if it's the same shit every time, why in the fucking world do I need to ask/explain/request/whatever anymore ? I am 50 fucking years old. Enough already.

AND the other thing is, I am just soooo fucking tired of having to explain everything. Every Mother Fucking Thing. Can someone please take those reins for a bit so I can have a break. Every single thing, I have to explain. And while I usually am very ok with this, I am tired. I have explained everything with my age, hormones, surgeries, TV shows being watched, books, jokes, anything I say/do it seems needs a fucking explanation and it would just be really really nice to not.

But if I don't, then it's my fault they have the lack of understanding - and granted that's not always the case but it feels that way. 

/rant 

Just a thought

You know how you can read something, whether it's about you or someone you love, get either upset/annoyed/saddened by it?

I think that no matter what, screw that. I love my life, I love my kid, I love my man. It really, seriously, does not matter what others issues are.

Sometimes people can get so caught up in their own stupidity, that they forget the basics and get lost. It's really kinda sad.

So - I much rather laugh the stupidity off, move on and just be happy :)

Happy is freaking awesome.

And I am very lucky to be so incredibly happy :D

Not quite Pearls of Wisdom

So, as I was making myself dinner (ahem, egg sandwich - breakfast for dinner) I had some funny thoughts...about well I guess with Life Changes that have been going on and whatnot.

Edit: Ok, they were WAY funnier in my head...

• If you can't quite figure out how to cook for less people than you're used to, cook breakfast for dinner. Still healthy, filling and easy. Especially Egg Sandwiches
• Also: If you don't use a lot of bread, put it in the frig, it will stay fresher longer.
• You don't always have to do the dishes that day, it can wait. But no more than 2 days and only if it's a little bit. Especially when you've had a long and/or shitty day.
• If you get angry, or upset, clean or go take a shower. Either one will make you feel better...a clean house/clean me always makes me feel better. And more clear headed too.
• Reward yourself for staying sane. You're allowed.
• Kittens are amazing.
• Pictures can be fun to take and sometimes makes you get a different perspective on things.
• Vinegar is GREAT for cleaning, anything and everything. 
• Boiled eggs are a great snack.
• Vacuum. A lot. Even if it is to piss off your shitty neighbors.
• If someone is being an asshole, remember Karma goes both ways! It's nice to remember you don't have to do or say anything and know that at some point, they will get their own (this also applies to you if you're the one being an asshole, which means don't!). And, of course, if you help someone else, then good things will come your way. Remember that can sometimes help take off that pressure we didn't know we had from bad people/moments.

OK, now my brain is rotting and it's time to go read for a little bit!

Depth Perception

Do you ever just sit somewhere and pretend that you belong? Pretend that life is not driving you down that road with multiple forks, and each branching fork is pitted in some soulless shadow of where you want to be...?

Do you ever wonder what the point is? I don't mean, what's the point of life, no one really knows that one. I mean, what's the point of this particular life experience. Why this, why now, why period.

How hard do you have to think, to speak, to do -  to get the message across that there is more. So much more than we realize, because we get so trapped and warped by life, our jobs, our stresses that we stop even bothering to glimpse out the window and notice the skies are full.

When is the right time to take that deep breath and breathe out all the garbled nuances that chain us? How do we realize that those pitiful little hooks are not helping...and that it's painful to remove them but not life threatening and thus freeing?

There are moments, while I sit and gaze sadly at cubicle walls, knowing I am wasting my time, my energy for an unseen value.

And values, those shockingly pesky ideas. A value is only valued by the one valuing it. What I value, others would despair at or waste away on or perhaps just mock. Still, there are the remote few or several who value some of the generalities that I value. Those of like minds and all that.

I'm may be saddened and annoyed at the moments inability to reflect what I want and need. However, that fickle bitch Time will eventually release her restrictions thusly causing rapid changes in reality again.

~~and this is not directed at/about/etc anyone I know or care about...I am just sitting in a conference room, bored out of my skull and avoiding the necessary process of working~~