Depth Perception

Do you ever just sit somewhere and pretend that you belong? Pretend that life is not driving you down that road with multiple forks, and each branching fork is pitted in some soulless shadow of where you want to be...?

Do you ever wonder what the point is? I don't mean, what's the point of life, no one really knows that one. I mean, what's the point of this particular life experience. Why this, why now, why period.

How hard do you have to think, to speak, to do -  to get the message across that there is more. So much more than we realize, because we get so trapped and warped by life, our jobs, our stresses that we stop even bothering to glimpse out the window and notice the skies are full.

When is the right time to take that deep breath and breathe out all the garbled nuances that chain us? How do we realize that those pitiful little hooks are not helping...and that it's painful to remove them but not life threatening and thus freeing?

There are moments, while I sit and gaze sadly at cubicle walls, knowing I am wasting my time, my energy for an unseen value.

And values, those shockingly pesky ideas. A value is only valued by the one valuing it. What I value, others would despair at or waste away on or perhaps just mock. Still, there are the remote few or several who value some of the generalities that I value. Those of like minds and all that.

I'm may be saddened and annoyed at the moments inability to reflect what I want and need. However, that fickle bitch Time will eventually release her restrictions thusly causing rapid changes in reality again.

~~and this is not directed at/about/etc anyone I know or care about...I am just sitting in a conference room, bored out of my skull and avoiding the necessary process of working~~


  1. Ican remember as a really little kid, thinking that if all the TRUE believers (I'm basically a believer but not really a TRUE believer because I hedge my bets) really thought heave was so much more wonderful than this life, what in hell are they all doing hanging around here. i understand that suicide, even euthanasia, is mortally sinful in their eyes, but there are less drastic ways of going abut it hat wouldn't be outright suicide. Hearing their thoughts of how wonderful heaven will be yet watching these sm old people fight cancer tooth and nail was what really caused me to question both my faith and the purpose of life in general.

    When you really think abut it, what IS the point? We toil away to keep roofs over our heads and food on our tables for a measly few hours of pleasure each week if we're lucky. We hope things will be better for our children, but there's no great reason to believe things won't actually be worse for them. Sometimes i wonder why i bother.
    y the way, how is the child doing on the french horn. It's statistically one of the two most difficult of all the major/standard instruments to master (I haven't any idea how it would compare to, say, the digeriedoo or however the hell you spell it)but it has the most glorious sound when played well. the other diffcult instrument is the bassoon. Where that one is concerned , I don't see the end result as being anywhere near worth one's effort. it sounds like someone blowing his nose who can blow for a really long time and can change tones while blowing. Wouldn't it be just as easy and a hell of a lot cheaper just to perfect the art of nose-blowing? The French Horn, on the other hand, is a noble instrument.

  2. I know what you mean Alexis, some days you just want to sit and just wonder WHY. It's hard and doesn't always make sense, that's for sure.

    The kid is doing really well :) He was playing trumpet and switched to horn (because I play horn funny enough) and he seems happier. I wish I had more time to actually practice with him - but with starting the job it's been hard. I need to figure out a better schedule so that I make sure to do it.

    I love all those deep-middle instruments the best :) Brass, string, woodwind.

  3. It's an odd phenomenon, but to the ears of many, the nicest sounds are the low notes on a high pitched instrument or the high notes on a deep-toned instrument. French horn and cello are two middle-ground instruments where, if well-played, every note is glorious.