Last week...

 You know, some days and some weeks are just better than others. This week has been very, eh - very unmotivated. Which is life, some time is just like that.

My weight has dropped, slight regain and honestly, I am in Onederland, so I am ok as I keep losing in general. I don't need to race.

I met with a different Dr at my 3 month follow up, as mine was out. I did not like this Dr nearly as much, he was too much - in your space - and I just don't need that. But he had some valid information and even if I don't personally like him, information is at least unbiased. Overall, I've lost 51 lbs since my first appointment and 12.8 since my last appointment. Not bad. 20 lbs more to go to hit goal and then, then life will get harder probably because I want to lose another 25ish after that. So if I can keep this mostly steady, in the next 3 months I should be able to lose the 20 lbs and then the following 6 months the remaining 25ish. Goals!

Onederland

 That elusive thing, Onerland, has finally been met.

At first, the 199.2 pounds didn't quite seem real. I decided to wait another day to make sure it actually was that and not just a temporary thing. My surprise the following day when it went to 198.6 not only confirmed my entrance into a newer frontier but made me realize how fucking nice it is. It's been a long time since I have been this weight and while I did reach (and a little bit less even) sometime in the last 9 years, it was with a strict diet, working out 5 days a week and sometimes twice a day AND if I changed anything (like ate a normal meal) the weight was BACK ON. 

Now, however, I am losing and it's staying off and continuing to drop even when I do eat something like baklava and souvlaki with pita and have a glass of wine. Such a world of difference.

Speaking of wine, I have definitely learned I can not really drink a whole lot of red (as in not even a full glass) because I will get heartburn and it sucks. And I have also found that now I actually enjoy white wines (did not like them in the past) and they do NOT give said heartburn. I still, and am happy about, I can't really drink more than 1/2 to a full glass of wine - and I don't mean my kinda pours that take up the whole glass, I mean those typical restaurant pours. 

I feel like I may be able to accomplish getting to my Dr's goal weight of 180. And when that happens I feel like I may be able tot continue downward to my goal weight of 150-160. I know there will be some regain as years and whatnot go on, so I am hoping that by going lower and staying there I can keep it minimal. 

I have another surgery scheduled for December, so I am hoping that doesn't impact my future weight loss too much. It would be nice if it helps with it, but since it's a hysterectomy and I will have to figure out a nice hormonal balance via meds after, who knows!

So happy, in general :) 

Movie Theatre Popcorn

 We went to watch Thor: Love and Thunder last night and I did a bad thing. I ate the popcorn and learned it is absolutely a slider food and that I can eat too much of it and cause my smaller stomach distress. So, no more popcorn for me. I will contrive some form of healthier snack options moving forward, because the popcorn and Peanut M&Ms weren't it. Granted, I am pms'ing right now and that always, or at least typically, causes poorer decisions when it comes to food choices - but this one lesson was enough to change my mind set. 

I would still like to try popcorn made at home...but that should probably wait a bit until my stomach has calmed down.

And the thing is, it wasn't like some amazing popcorn - the stuff we make at home tastes better. But it was just sooooo easy to eat. And I did make sure to chew it really well. I just had too much.

Thankfully my weight didn't get effected too much for the day. '

I have noticed the last couple of days I have been having a bit of a struggle logging every single thing. It's because of the bad choices of foods more than likely. Which has made me realize I need to stay smart and make some better snacks for me to enjoy. 

Still losing and it's wild

 I had this idea, that because of my PCOS, I would be a slow (or well, slower) loser when it comes to WLS (and that still may happen). But I'm over 2 months out and it feels like forever but wow only 2 months. Anyways, I just thought my weight would stall or it'd stop and I'd lose X number of pounds and try to figure out something from there. Because of hormones. But, I am still losing, 2.6 lbs this week so far. For me, that's crazy! It's awesome crazy is what it really is.

I track everything I eat, making sure to hit protein and water goals and the calories have definitely gone from the stable 600-800 range to a 1000 in the last week (holiday and whatnot) but even so, I am still losing. I would LIKE to get back to 800 calories. I am tracking carbs really more than calories but I guess I would feel better if they were a shade lower. 

For me, it's about finding new things to enjoy that won't kick my body out of sync. And that can be extra super hard when PMS hits, like is right now. I fucking want chocolate. Hard core. I bought chocolate and chocolate chips to make fresh cookies (I eat like 1 maybe 2, randomly) but maybe I should make some pudding with PB protein or something and see if that will soothe this desire a tad.

I am soooo close to being under 200 lbs, that is super exciting. I will be celebrating that one for sure! And since I can really only eat like 3 oz at one time, my celebrating is like 5 bites of something extra delicious.

I don't stress when I gain weight back, because I know it's usually because I over did it the day before and it's temporary. Yes, staying under 50g of carbs and hitting those goals are critical in the 1st 6 months, if I can lose the majority of my weight during this time, I am absolutely good with that. Have I tried things I wasn't supposed to? Also 100%, and will continue to TRY things. It's making those choices into habits that will get me into trouble. You do have to weigh in (hahahaha no pun intended) quality of life stuff, but I will say for me the weight loss is because I want to be healthier and not end up in the same situations as my parents or brother. And healthier means making better and smarter decisions. Which is NOT easy during PMS. I think I have to give myself a pass during this week and just do the best I can. I am not going to beat myself up over temporary things.

Post Op Update 3

It's been several days and and I am down to 217, which is freaking awesome. 25 pounds down so far. 

In the last week, I have learned NOT to do too much of any exercise, because when I did some arm ones, the whole evening and next day, I was in pain and sore and I thought it was my kidneys! But not, it was just these poor muscles that were abused because they were not used to it. So I took a couple days off and then started it back with a smaller amount being done each time.

Food, that has been interesting too. I would have thought I would be able to eat the whole 1/4 cup of tuna salad, but nope, first few days I was full before eating it all. I was very surprised by this. That fact I am in week 3 and haven't hit a stall yet is nice too, but I know it's coming. I track everything I eat and try to keep the carbs and sugars low. Calories don't matter as much thankfully! Protein and fluids are the priority first. And water still hurts to drink. Warm fluids are awesome, but cold ones and water are a struggle. What's also weird about that is I can eat popsicles fine and those are frozen. 

I am also tracking inches, and that has as rewarding as the pounds coming off. My calf has gone down an inch and I didn't think that was possible. 

Interesting things also. I have some specific WLS oatmeal, it's definitely better when using hot water vs cooking in the microwave. It's also better with a little bit extra cinnamon.

It's such a learning curve, all of it. You read all the posts and articles and whatnot and think you're prepared or at least aware of what is going to happen. But then you're home by yourself and trying to remember all this information and end up googling everything all over again.

But walking is good and getting better. Life is good in general. I am getting more energy which is soooo nice. AND! It seems my perimenopause is, well, paused. All the hormones releasing into my system has been super good and if anything it means I should go on HRT when I am back in it again. Plus, I am still scheduled for a hysterectomy later this year. I hope that going into a full on chemical menopause with HRT is a good thing. It's only a slight worry right now. I have several months before it happens and time to speak to dr's and whatnot.

Post Op Update 2

 Almost and the end of Week 2. Next week is purees. And to be frank, I have absolutely cheated. Purees, ha, I have had a slice of ham with swiss cheese daily since a couple days ago. I KNOW my stomach is still healing. I try to keep all the other stuff minimal, well ok I do try "new" things almost daily but that's to see what my stomach will handle. For instance, it did not handle eggs yet. But it like grits. It liked cream of rice better. I have never had cream of rice before. Right now I am trying Miso soup. One of the bad things I eat (mow, is it really bad??) is an itty bitty creamy peanut butter. Soooo good when I just need a hit of something.

So the coming week has savory sweet potatoes, garlic mashed potatoes, some additional soup options and a ricotta bake. Oh and tuna salad, maybe egg salad if my stomach doesn't make me puke the eggs again and chicken salad. Food. Real Food. I am so looking forward to that. Though it will also be the start of the well known 3 Week stall. There is a good youtube video explaining why it happens and there a ton of reddit posts on it, so it's expected. It makes sense, you're introducing closer to solid foods into your system and things that have more carbs for sure. Bodies gotta adjust.

One of the more interesting things I've noticed in the last few days as I've started figuring food and how to adjust to my new stomach. We eat too much. I mean, of course that's obvious, but with this itty bitty stomach, I just don't need nor even want (ok, sometimes there is definitely want) more than what my stomach can handle and the fact that I literally can't eat more than that is refreshing. When week 3 starts, I will be shifting to a more normal pattern of meals of breakfast, lunch and dinner and my protein shakes will be the allowable snacks. It will be a bit of a challenge, especially sitting on my ass while I'm still recovering. 

And I also need to start walking outside more. Which I did today with Mike, and it was just .04 shy of a miles, but it was a pretty 20 minute walk. A good start for sure.

I've also started to do some squats and arm exercises. Both my legs and arms need some serious help. 

Time to drink some more water.

Post Op Update

 I am on Day 1 of Week 2 of Post Op. 

I am still on a full liquid diet, though I won't lie I have slightly cheated on said liquid diet. But I am trying to keep it to a minimum. 

In general, I am doing good. No complications or drama. Having major surgery was a new experience! It was a good one overall! Funny story! As I was getting onto the main table from my gurney, I literally got a charlie horse in my right calf muscle. Because of course my body has be difficult it seems.

The first few days were just slow, sitting and watching TV. Nothing bad or dramatic. Then we drove to Target. The car ride was painful, and while I enjoyed walking around Target, I got tired and I think a bit sore. I really did not like the car ride. Then I was back home and watching TV and not really into wanting to crochet or do my other crafty projects yet. And then Wednesday, I had a Dr's appointment. Which I had to drive to. 

That drive, that drive was much more painful. But I did it, got to my appointment. At which the Dr was surprised I drove myself because it seems I was not supposed to do that. Opps. I covered it with how I was a passenger the other day and the Dr. then just kinda slid over it. Then it was the drive home. One word. Excruciating. And it was 2 of my incision sites and I wanted to cry. I almost cried. It was close. The highway was the worst part, and the side streets second next painful. 

And then, I noticed a pain on my left side right below my breast. It was so intense that I took a pain pill yesterday and it made me a bit loopy. So loopy in fact I ended up clearing out a cabinet of old stuff nothing being used (some since 2015 and 2016!) and also reorganized some of the shelves in the fridge. And I did dishes. And wiped the counter. And emptied the trash. And made dinner for Mike. In other words, I did too much. I didn't rest. And my side still hurt. I took a different pain med, and it just made me tired. I went to bed early and thankfully this morning my side does not hurt as much. I did read a lot yesterday on seeing any other bariatric VSG experience the same thing. And it thankfully didn't see uncommon, but it could take time or no time. It could be breathing exercises or not, it could be a muscle or not. I felt like because of the driving it was a muscle that was overworked. It still hurts a bit today and I will probably take another pain pill that makes me tired and just rest. 

Also, I just miss food. I miss chewing food. 

But, I have lost close to 20 lbs so far between Pre and Post Op, so that's awesome and it's important. My health is important and my future health is important.

Time for more liquids...

Pre-Op Days blending and life

 What day am I even on? I just know it's Sunday and it's been a busy weekend but in general a good one. Saturday I headed to get my bloodwork done, hung out with my niece for a bit and helped with some yard work. 

My cold/allergies suck. Hugely. So hugely I am going to check with my surgeon's office to make sure it won't cause issues for Thursday. Gods, it's really only 4 days away!!

I'm mostly prepared. I have to pack my bag and probably read the literature they gave me another 6 million times. But seriously, people get surgery every day and are ok. Granted some of them probably die too but let's not go in that direction.

There is also some family drama. Levera texted me Saturday morning asking money for her daughters passport and I was like...are you serious? I don't have the money to do mine let alone hers. She did not like my response, which granted was a bit longer than what I just wrote. But 15 texts later, I was like...are you ok? And everything she was texting me was so child-ish. I barely responded to her but she just kept texting. I don't have time for her issues and lack of knowledge or understanding. It seems when I told her to take care of her daughter, that was considered insulting. I told her to get a job, she said she had one - taking care of her daughter. Seriously? Maybe that has to change now that my brother died and can't send her all his money?? Hmm, maybe be an adult and a parent and take care of your kid? I don't know, just an idea really...but it's a concept that she seems to struggle with. THEN, later in the day she posts to not just Dave's obit but also my Dad's! I'm like, fine post whatever you want (and she removed a mean comment from before which I am glad she did) but I removed the one she put on my Dad's obit. He didn't even like her and unless you can actually be nice to people, just leave my family alone. 

I am tired. It's been a good weekend, but busy. I need to finish some things and go to bed. This coming week will be busy and then soon enough it will be updates about losing the weight and getting healthier.

Overall, I am super good with what I have been drinking/eating as part of the pre-op diet. Adjusted and life is good. Here's hoping this also transfers to how little I will be eating after surgery.

Pre-Op Day 3

 Day 2 went well overall. I had prepared better for work and had a bison burger for dinner, along with steamed broccoli and cauliflower. It was definitely good! I tried some Pho broth (it came from the store, not a restaurant) and it was so-so, not my favorite. Not sure if I will finish that container. Will see.

Day 3 is going good as well. We went for a walk today down by the C & O Canal and that was nice. A bit longer than I should have done probably, we did 2 miles and it took about 45 minutes. Dinner again is the bison burger and with green beans. I will say it is so nice to have food at least once a day with drinking all the shakes and water. It's like a reward.

I was better today about drinking water. 

I'm not as hungry as compared to day 1 thankfully. But I do want something crunchy and the green beans hit the spot for sure.

I've done some prep work for tomorrow so that will be helpful.

It's a head game

 I don't think one realizes how much a head game it is. Food is this whole thing that you need/require to survive and as a species we've gotten to the point of consuming quite a bit more than needed. And some of it isn't even really good food for you. It's a chemical make up to make our brains things it's getting what it needs because it tastes good but the reality is your body suffers for it.

I guess because I do read so much on the WLS and VSG, and trying to make sure I am as prepared as possible, wrapping my head around the head game of my food habits has been interesting and somewhat surprising. Of course you want to think you've got shit under control. But that fact is I don't. I snack, sometimes good things and somethings bad, right moments/wrong moments. I "treat" myself for whatever xyz reason. I'm an adult, I can recognize that over my life time I've tried to do better and self sabotaged at the same time. Who knew!

It's been interesting, probably because no one LIKES to admit they make mistakes and while a big (no pun here) issue is my PCOS/endocrine system issues that contribute a significant amount to my body not doing the things it's supposed to, I think in the last few years (at least), my drinking and snacking have just made a whole lot worse.

I am really appreciating the fact that I won't be able to make those choices after the surgery, because those are bad choices that I seem to repeat on the most. Restrictive doesn't have mean bad and for so long, I have definitely viewed it as such. In this case, specially for me, it will feel like a curse but it will be blessing.