Awesome conversation

 So I had to call my cell company, because I had called France to cancel a trip and got billed $246 for the conversation, which honestly wasn't even worth it because the deposit I got back was $149. 

Anyways, I called and spoke with this super nice lady about it and we were talking and I don't even know how the subject came up but we start talking about hysterectomies and menopause and periods and the next thing I know I am giving her all kinds of information and verbiage and reddits to check out. Because seriously, women's health is critical and it's not validated enough when a woman says she wants something so that her life is better.

It was a good conversation and it felt good to be able to share information, experiences and resources.

Yes, I did get a partial credit on my expensive phone call to France, thankfully it will help with that sting.

More family drama - wild but funny

 Ok, so about a decade ago My dad contacted me because the mother of my brother's child needed help (I think they were married. I'm not really sure. They might have been married at this point still. Who fucking knows) Anyways, she had shingles, and she was unable to watch my nephew. It was just too hard, too painful and granted shingles can really kick your ass. 

So I had agreed to take him, and I told my dad this was going to be hard financially, cause I was at that point divorced and a single mom trying to take care of a house and everything else. My dad would give me some money to help, but it wasn't a lot, just whatever he could afford. I ended up submitting paperwork to the state and got some financial help that way too.

They put him on a plane and flew my nephew to me. I had to pick him up at the airport -  special, you know, rules apply when there's a minor traveling by himself and my nephew at the time was about nine years old. 

So definitely minor and definitely had someone walking with them. I had to show my ID that I was picking him up all of that. 

I take him and he lived with me three to six months I think. It wasn't very long. It wasn't long enough, to really help him. But during that time, it was rough because I'm a very different person than his mom. I'm a very different person than his dad, my brother. I got him into school. Bought him clothes, shoes, whatever he needed. I got him into summer camp that summer before I had to send him back as well (thanks to the help of the State). 

But during that year or that time frame that I had him, he lost weight because he was eating healthy and eating home cooked meals. He was having fun. We went on hikes. We went to my boyfriend's house and he had two kids and we would go to movies or a park. We took him to the local fair/circus. It wasn't anything that big. But we got to see cool, neat stuff. He had his own room in my house. He got to play like Pokémon cards with one of our cousins and just be a kid. So it wasn't like anything bad in any way, shape or form.

 And his mom used to call almost daily and tell him that she really wants him to come home and all this stuff. Now she would literally tell me the opposite. You know, she was happy that I was watching him and helping her out and thankful that I was able to step in and take care of him because she couldn't. And then I handed the phone over to my nephew, and she would tell him that she can't afford to live without him, that she needs money from state/child support and that he needs to come home. And so this poor kid is 9 going on 10 and seriously conflicted. And at one point he literally said to me, he knows his dad loves him more, but that his mom can take better care of him. And we had a lot of conversations while he was with me but that one was painful. 

So summer comes up and I had him in summer camp. He's been in summer camp a couple weeks and this is the kind where you drop him off and pick him up the same day type of camp. Finally I guess her shingles was over and she wanted him to come home. And I remember talking to my dad saying I have no legal rights to this kid even though I did go through the state and try to submit all the legal stuff done because there in the beginning she was absolutely giving up rights to him, she had told me she could not take care of him and needed someone else to.

I should look up those court records online... they could never find her to respond because no one knew where she was living anyways. Back to it, she finally says she wants some home and I'm like OK I literally pack up all his stuff all the clothes I bought him all the clothes he came with everything. packed it up in this massive duffel bag checked it you know got him onto a plane and back to his mom.  The only negative thing I had heard before is that she said I sent him home with nothing, which is absolutely not true. 

I find out now 10 years later that she told him I kidnapped him. Are you fucking kidding me - that I kidnapped him. No, no, I did not kidnap him. That is the most insane thing ever. I was trying to help someone in my family because they're in a situation with their health and somehow now I'm a fucking kidnapper. Absolutely not, this annoys me so much because it is the most ridiculous thing ever. Ever.

A little bit of family history

You ever get a random thought and decide to do an internet search?

I found out he was a Pvt in the US Army, served in WW 2. He and Grandma got married 9-20-1945 and my Dad was born 6-2-46. He was 28 and Grandma 19 when my Dad was born. Wow.

Born: April 19, 1918, Died December 11, 1984 in Harris, Texas. He was only 66 years old. So young.

He's buried at Houston National Cemetery, plot I478.

We never knew him. I was told that him and my Grandma divorced when my Dad was 2, because he went to jail and she didn't think he would be out anytime soon. That was in 1948 for perspective. I have no idea if that's true. But I kinda think it is, because the man she married after him, I was told, was abusive and she was with him for a long time (until he passed I think). She was a stay at home mom, who did genealogy for about 30 years and published a book on it before she passed. She was married a total of 3 times. I only met her like 5 times while growing up.

I know we have traits that get passed down, and it's wild/weird when you do something or look like someone and have never known them or anyone on that side of the family. It's a bit of a, 'where did this come from', and you won't know due to situations like this.

I've always wondered if he had another family or more kids or was at least happy in his life. From what I know, he didn't remarry or have more kids. I hope he was able to be happy and enjoy what years he was alive. 

The weather is turning beautiful

 It's been at that utopia type of weather, sunny but not too hot or cold, literally the perfect kind of day. I know it's only a short moment at Spring/Summer and Summer/Fall that it happens, but I absolutely love it.

I hope it lasts a little bit longer. I know during the summer I'll be bringing an extra shirt for those hot sweaty days!!

But for now, I am living in it as much as I can :) Screw the pollen counts.

New Arm Tattoo - A cover up

 This is the before and with it partially removed. I've had this tattoo for a long time, probably close to 20 years, and I actually wasn't happy with it right after it was done. The image that was used for inspiration was just prettier and the tattooist that had done it just didn't jive with it I don't think. And honestly, if anything, that is my fault. I should have waited for a different artist, but I was so excited to get work done (my husband at the time was ok with the expense and I know that partially played into how fast I wanted to get it done, I didn't want to waste the opportunity).

So about 5 years ago I started to get it removed, enough that another artist could cover it up. I've had a 1,001 ideas of what to put there. Ranging from mermaids to a Celtic woman warrior, Disney villians, I mean a whole range of options.

Then I was like, you know. I just want something bold and beautiful and vague enough I won't have to explain it if I am wearing a tank top.

So here it is, the end result and beginning of the session.

I will say it's absolutely beautiful. I made me realize that I don't look at my body enough and I knew my arms are big (weight gain/loss fun) but I felt the body dysmorphia hard the other day. And still do to be honest, like I know what my weight is and I know the direction I am moving in is a healthier and better one. It's just...painful. All of it.

My brain is still wrapping around how big it is, the tattoo and my arms, and I am healing way differently than I have in the past. I've never had bruising before! The shock of getting old!

I do think I want to add a bee to this. Maybe something else, depending. That just means I need to keep saving money in the meantime!

Wowza the time has flown by

 It's been a hot moment since I've written. I don't know if that's good, bad or not anything to be honest.

Hysterectomy is done and gone, been over a year now. SOOOO many things with that, ok not the surgery directly, that went perfectly smooth. The whole HRT and menopause stuff is a bit annoying to say the least. That will be another post I'm sure.

The baby Jessie had is now an adorable toddler. Wish I got to see him more.

Still miss my son, but I love that I talk to him so much and we are going to visit him next year. That will be a bloody awesome trip! We are going to Disneyland Paris while there and so we've been looking into the different restaurants and things to do while there. I am submitting my passport here shortly for that. Going to France and the UK will be very exciting! I've only been outside the country once, and that was via a cruise. 

Baking  - now there seems my forte. Cheesecake, lemon bars, cookies. I sent close to 400 cookies to Raven for his shop. I've made Bailey's Cheesecake, Strawberry Cheesecake, Lemon (with lemon curd) Cheesecake and Pumpkin Pie Cheesecake. Mini, full size - cupcake size. Lemon bars are still a big fan favorite. Raven said my cookies helped morale and that's honestly the best feeling ever.

I feel like there are a 1,000 things to write about and I keep getting stuck and not being able to put a word down. 

I am crocheting a lot more. Have several blankets done and working on more <3 I do love crocheting blankets and things for people. I am also hoping to have a few saved for Raven/Jessie/whoever in the future for when I can't crochet anymore.

Ok, good first post in a long time. I want to write more often again. 

It's a lot like busy - to the tune of holiday music

 Work has been increasingly busy! Life has been catching up too! Between my surgery coming up, Jessie having the baby and helping out on the weekends and work just becoming this pretty non-stop daily thing, I am exhausted.

Exhausted.

Oh and lets add in some of those fun perimenopause symptoms coming around, with sleep being more elusive and some of mood swings are back.

But! I just did have my last fucking period!! That is so amazingly awesome and I just can't stop grinning every time I think about it. I am excited for this surgery - don't get me wrong, I understand there is going to be bit of a long recovery in general and that life will instantly be turned upside down - BUT things should even out (I need to contact my GP about HRT probably now) and things/life will be better. It's not just preventative, it's also quality of life for the next 10 years. Keep your fingers crossed I don't lose my mind and change all kinds of life options in the wrong ways.

Also, the holidays are literally right around the corner. Thanksgiving is next week and then it's surgery and then Christmas/Yule. It's just a lot! And with all these surgeries and health things this year, I will need a 2nd job to pay off this debt sooner rather than later. That will be a fun thing to figure out once I am out of the healing stage.

I think I have 90% of my gift shopping done. It's hard to make some decisions on what to get things for someone you love/care about and not make it too silly or unnecessary.

Oh and I am going to keep working on losing weight. I'd like to lose another 30 lbs in the next 6 months. Not sure how realistic that is with my hormones going off the rails here shortly, but I have hope and persistence. I want to lose 5 lbs before surgery, plan on re-doing the liquid diet I did for my last one. The first 3 days were the worst but after that it was livable. 

My cat Diego, who is 16 going on 17, is on thyroid meds and his kidneys are just barely starting to show some signs of potential issues, per the $355 vet visit last week. 

I miss my son.

Holding a baby is both therapeutic and amazing.

I need to cut my hair, clear off my nail polish and clean the shower. These are things that are on my mind on a regular, if not daily basis, but have yet to do them in that last 30 days. I have no idea why I am delaying, but none of them will take long to get accomplished. 

I have one more thing to fill out for the surgery too, a listing of everything I am taking (which is a website site and if I could be smart and get it done at work that would be fine but I feel like I need to get it done at home where are my things are...it's weird. Why is it so weird?)

See, it's all a bit of a cluster. I am spinning and throwing darts and hitting some targets but not all of them. And a lot of them are important targets.

I need to start using my planner, it was so helpful before and I got away from it because the routine, was well established routine. But right now so many things are shifting again. 

Also, people put their heads on pillows...not their feet. It would be nice not to use a pillow as a foot rest, especially without socks, all over a pillow that someone might be sleeping on later. I mean, ew. Ew. Granted, if your foot is injured and it's being elevated, that's one thing. No, this is just pushing bare feet against a pillow that is on the floor for some reason. Why is it on the floor? Why the need to put naked feet on it? Are those feet clean? It's just...ew. How am I going to clean this pillow now?? It's a larger one so damn.

In other news, it got freaking cold outside!  Which is both nice and annoying, as I really do that utopia temperature of 70 degrees with a crisp breeze or light wind. Winter is just around the corner and it will hopefully being a safe one and nothing too dramatic.

And I have also confirmed that I can not eat a lot of sugar in one sitting. It makes me nauseous and my stomach was not happy. I got hot. I was literally working in the garage without a jacket or my vest (I love my vest) to cool off which thankfully helped. Oh another thing happened a couple weeks ago. I must have drank water too close to eating because my mouth was just filling, FILLING, with salvia. It was a bit wild. So definitely do not drink within 20-30 minutes of eating, especially a meal that makes you full. 

Ok, I think my brain has run away enough for the evening. I need to get to bed and sleep a happy deep sleep. 

What you're not changing, you're choosing

 I saw this quote today and it really hit me. It is making me think...about a lot of things

A little Disney Boo

I am so excited! We booked a mini vacation to Orlando for Halloween/Samhain weekend. That shit will be so much fun. We are going to Epcot for 1 day, during the food and wine festival. I am trying to figure out, since I don't eat a whole lot anymore, what foods I DO want to eat. They have all these little vendors dotted through the walk and so many interesting things to try! I know we gotta pace ourselves, and I feel like everything I want to really try is only in a couple sections. Maybe it's just a good excuse to walk the Showcase several times and just try to get it all in. I know there are some new rides there too, and with Jessie's baby being born at that point, knowing me - I'm going to want to shop for him too. So that day will definitely been full of walking.

We will spend a day in Downtown Disney, which honestly is always fun. I love going in the shops, eating at our favorite places and people watching. It is never boring or annoying. 

I love the fact we can get a direct flight, a quick uber and just be embraced in the mood so quickly.

I also bought the following, which will go up on the balcony 10/1, if not sooner.

   

The ghost is 5 feet and the colors can change :) The purple fairy lights, I only got 1 string (but it's 66 feet) but I think I can make it look good in that little space ! Neither item was expensive so if I need more lights I am down with that. I need to go through what fall/holiday stuff I brought back from storage and get that put up as well. And even though it gets windy, that ghost is going to look perfect.

Today's the first full day of fall, there is a chill and wind and I just want to breathe it all in and let it wake up my soul.

It seems I need some more coffee :D

Minor updates

 There is a lot I want to write about, but I'm not quite sure where to start!!

It was my love's birthday. So that is awesome ;)

My niece is due to have her baby in about 3 weeks. That's super exciting and I can't wait !!

Work - is work. Not sure what is interesting about it right now - just the normal frustrations and good stuff.

Medical - now this subject matter is more tedious than anything. 

WLS - Still losing, sorta. I'm in a stall (but honestly I'm stalled between 193 and 194, so that's an awesome place to stall at) and I will focus more next week and breaking the stall and getting losing again.

Medical Billing - good gods the medical billing can be frustrating. I literally paid my portion but for some reason 1 Dr's office is like - we see that payment amount but it says that I still owe so therefore you still owe. I'm not paying it twice fuckers. So I called my HSA card people and my Insurance people and hopefully all this new lovely documents will help them understand math better. Thankfully though, all my other ones have been good and nothing too outrageous.

Hysterectomy - this is coming up in December. I am excited to have this done. I am a wee bit stressed about the recovery. Mainly that it may take longer and I am trying to go back to work after 2 weeks. I took off 4 with my last surgery, and 2 surgeries in 1 year, it just seems like a lot. I am also trying to do more research into HRT because I am going to want the hormones. Instant menopause (is waaaay better than the typical 7-10 years of that shit) means that I'll want those hormones sooner rather than later. Peri sucked and I don't want that again and nor would I wish that on any woman.

I also think about the fact you should not have sex for 2-3 months, that recovery means months in general and I really hope it doesn't cause me to stall the whole time in my weight loss. It's a lot. But the long run is, with my genetics and whatnot, I will be healthier. And that is important. Focus on the goal!

So in a nut shell, life is good, nothing bad is going on and there are a lot of changes coming up. 

Happy Anniversary and thoughts in general

 It has been 9 years since me and my bf had our first date. It's wild just how much has happened, which of course is life in general but I don't think we always think about the future of things. 

Like how my son is an adult, in the military is old enough to drink! Holy Fuck!! I've bought and sold a house. Had 4 cats, now 2. Multiple vacations, drama/family situations, death of my Dad and brother. Covid. Just, I don't even know how to take everything in and just breath for a moment and then refocus on the rest of the future.

I'm very happy with not getting married again. Having a life partner is amazing enough. 

I have no idea what the future will be. So much is still, not quite in flux per se, but more of this whole "wait and see" stage. My niece is having a baby, his youngest is not focused on doing anything that requires a job/moving out of her moms house, the market for housing is stupid (as it is for cars!) and I think I want a different job in the next year or so. There are a lot of options and pathways and I feel like right now it's a holding pattern. 

And I have a hard time holding said pattern I think. Not horribly so, but I just want some kind of forward direction that isn't vague as shit. I mean, yes, I could give myself some hard points of direction...and I am starting to plan that out to a degree. But at the same time, I don't want to fuck something up just because I'm annoyed or impatient. 

I am still losing weight, now more slowly (which is fine by me). I have another surgery scheduled for December so I know there is that to consider. Holidays/birthdays/birth coming up. So I know that part of things is just letting them figure themselves out a little bit. I guess, I just feel this - tug - to DO SOMETHING. I just don't quite know what that something is. 

I love my boyfriend. I am happy with the majority of our relationship. I am looking forward to living life more fully. I just don't know what means in all it's glory.

Another Dr's Appt

 Today was the follow up from my breast appointment/MRI. Of course, my Dr has not received the results (the MRI was done at the end of June) so hopefully when she does get those, they are all normal.

She said because of my Chek2 mutation, I'm at a higher risk for breast cancer and that is why I wanted to check and see if HRT would be ok after my hysterectomy. And she would prefer I didn't, because by getting the hysterectomy, I would be cutting my breast cancer risks in half. But if I take the hormones, it would be the same as if I kept my ovaries. Ummm, no I will take the hormones because wow the perimenopause I experienced before the WLS, was not a happy thing at all. Fuck that. 

It's still a win for me, because though my chances don't go down, at least I will remove one potential cancer issue in my ovaries and I would not be experiencing peri/menopause for a decade of my life. Because seriously, that is some kind of crazy bullshit.

Last week...

 You know, some days and some weeks are just better than others. This week has been very, eh - very unmotivated. Which is life, some time is just like that.

My weight has dropped, slight regain and honestly, I am in Onederland, so I am ok as I keep losing in general. I don't need to race.

I met with a different Dr at my 3 month follow up, as mine was out. I did not like this Dr nearly as much, he was too much - in your space - and I just don't need that. But he had some valid information and even if I don't personally like him, information is at least unbiased. Overall, I've lost 51 lbs since my first appointment and 12.8 since my last appointment. Not bad. 20 lbs more to go to hit goal and then, then life will get harder probably because I want to lose another 25ish after that. So if I can keep this mostly steady, in the next 3 months I should be able to lose the 20 lbs and then the following 6 months the remaining 25ish. Goals!

Onederland

 That elusive thing, Onerland, has finally been met.

At first, the 199.2 pounds didn't quite seem real. I decided to wait another day to make sure it actually was that and not just a temporary thing. My surprise the following day when it went to 198.6 not only confirmed my entrance into a newer frontier but made me realize how fucking nice it is. It's been a long time since I have been this weight and while I did reach (and a little bit less even) sometime in the last 9 years, it was with a strict diet, working out 5 days a week and sometimes twice a day AND if I changed anything (like ate a normal meal) the weight was BACK ON. 

Now, however, I am losing and it's staying off and continuing to drop even when I do eat something like baklava and souvlaki with pita and have a glass of wine. Such a world of difference.

Speaking of wine, I have definitely learned I can not really drink a whole lot of red (as in not even a full glass) because I will get heartburn and it sucks. And I have also found that now I actually enjoy white wines (did not like them in the past) and they do NOT give said heartburn. I still, and am happy about, I can't really drink more than 1/2 to a full glass of wine - and I don't mean my kinda pours that take up the whole glass, I mean those typical restaurant pours. 

I feel like I may be able to accomplish getting to my Dr's goal weight of 180. And when that happens I feel like I may be able tot continue downward to my goal weight of 150-160. I know there will be some regain as years and whatnot go on, so I am hoping that by going lower and staying there I can keep it minimal. 

I have another surgery scheduled for December, so I am hoping that doesn't impact my future weight loss too much. It would be nice if it helps with it, but since it's a hysterectomy and I will have to figure out a nice hormonal balance via meds after, who knows!

So happy, in general :) 

Movie Theatre Popcorn

 We went to watch Thor: Love and Thunder last night and I did a bad thing. I ate the popcorn and learned it is absolutely a slider food and that I can eat too much of it and cause my smaller stomach distress. So, no more popcorn for me. I will contrive some form of healthier snack options moving forward, because the popcorn and Peanut M&Ms weren't it. Granted, I am pms'ing right now and that always, or at least typically, causes poorer decisions when it comes to food choices - but this one lesson was enough to change my mind set. 

I would still like to try popcorn made at home...but that should probably wait a bit until my stomach has calmed down.

And the thing is, it wasn't like some amazing popcorn - the stuff we make at home tastes better. But it was just sooooo easy to eat. And I did make sure to chew it really well. I just had too much.

Thankfully my weight didn't get effected too much for the day. '

I have noticed the last couple of days I have been having a bit of a struggle logging every single thing. It's because of the bad choices of foods more than likely. Which has made me realize I need to stay smart and make some better snacks for me to enjoy. 

Still losing and it's wild

 I had this idea, that because of my PCOS, I would be a slow (or well, slower) loser when it comes to WLS (and that still may happen). But I'm over 2 months out and it feels like forever but wow only 2 months. Anyways, I just thought my weight would stall or it'd stop and I'd lose X number of pounds and try to figure out something from there. Because of hormones. But, I am still losing, 2.6 lbs this week so far. For me, that's crazy! It's awesome crazy is what it really is.

I track everything I eat, making sure to hit protein and water goals and the calories have definitely gone from the stable 600-800 range to a 1000 in the last week (holiday and whatnot) but even so, I am still losing. I would LIKE to get back to 800 calories. I am tracking carbs really more than calories but I guess I would feel better if they were a shade lower. 

For me, it's about finding new things to enjoy that won't kick my body out of sync. And that can be extra super hard when PMS hits, like is right now. I fucking want chocolate. Hard core. I bought chocolate and chocolate chips to make fresh cookies (I eat like 1 maybe 2, randomly) but maybe I should make some pudding with PB protein or something and see if that will soothe this desire a tad.

I am soooo close to being under 200 lbs, that is super exciting. I will be celebrating that one for sure! And since I can really only eat like 3 oz at one time, my celebrating is like 5 bites of something extra delicious.

I don't stress when I gain weight back, because I know it's usually because I over did it the day before and it's temporary. Yes, staying under 50g of carbs and hitting those goals are critical in the 1st 6 months, if I can lose the majority of my weight during this time, I am absolutely good with that. Have I tried things I wasn't supposed to? Also 100%, and will continue to TRY things. It's making those choices into habits that will get me into trouble. You do have to weigh in (hahahaha no pun intended) quality of life stuff, but I will say for me the weight loss is because I want to be healthier and not end up in the same situations as my parents or brother. And healthier means making better and smarter decisions. Which is NOT easy during PMS. I think I have to give myself a pass during this week and just do the best I can. I am not going to beat myself up over temporary things.

Mini update

So thankfully my Covid experience was pretty mild. I have no complaints whatsoever on that score. My taste buds are still relearning themselves, which is what it is.

I was in small stall with my weight, but my period just started so I have no doubt it's hormone and food related, because I have had cravings and have been eating more (by like 200 or so calories). I've been good, in general, with keeping my carbs and sugars low and my protein and fluids high.

In other news, I miss my kid. I miss hugging him. I love that we talk so often. But having a presence is very different than not. I can see why people want to leave closer to their kids. And with Jessie pregnant and me trying to help as much as possible, it's all heart and emotions and figuring things out. 

Well, Covid finally struck

 Over this past Memorial day weekend, I was struck with Covid bug. My boyfriend caught it first, more than likely from a work function he had last week. He said it felt like allergies, but then it quickly turned worse. He never naps and he NAPPED on Saturday. I started feeling it Saturday night and by Sunday morning was definitely sick. I honestly thought it was a head cold/sinus issue because my face...my FACE HURT SO BAD. And my ears were hurting like a sinus infection. The pressure was stupidly horrible. I took meds, they helped. Sunday was a rinse and repeat. Monday, again rinse and repeat but I was not getting better. My boyfriend was definitely on the mend though so one would have thought I would be there soon too. Nope, more fever and body aches and more sinus pressure. 

Tuesday morning, I woke up, still in pain. I decided to go to CVS Minute Clinic and I knew they would want a Covid test and since I have the home rapid ones, I thought it would be better to know before I went anywhere if I did/didn't have Covid. And I was shocked and surprised when it came back positive.

I contacted my boss and let him know and told him I was scheduling a PCR test (this is required by my work) and I got that done that afternoon. I am still waiting on those results.

My bf then tested and low and behold he was also positive on the rapid test. So he's working from home, while I am just sick at home. 

I am finally starting to feel better today, no more fever and my face no longer hurts (well, me at least ahahahaha)

Today though, I also noticed my taste buds was like 98% gone. I have barely tasted anything and it's soooo weird. Like I may as well just eat whatever since I won't get to taste it anyways. Sad but maybe this will also help with the weight loss :) Trying to find that silver lining anywhere I can !!

And hopefully I will stop getting light headed every time I stand up.

I am just thankful I got it after having the vaccination and booster done. I don't even want to imagine how much worse it could be...

Finally - Death Certificate

 I just got in my brother's death certificate, and there are several name spellings that are wrong, which is kinda sad and ironic. I will submit to get it updated though, just because names are important and vital records should be accurate.

What this idiot died from though, oy.

Acute Decompensated Heart Failure

Coronary Atherosclerosis

and other contributing factors:

Femoral Hemorrhage, End Stage Renal Disease, Sepsis, Hypertension, Diabetes Type II, Liver Cirrhosis not alcohol related. 

His heart, his kidneys, massive infection, and the Cirrhosis - my mother had that from NASH. I mean, is this more of a genetic situation to add to my damn list of things that could go wrong??

Dave did not take care of himself, barely at all. He sent his money to Levera and Kesha and let himself and his son suffer. Why do this? Why not go to dialysis, get the help needed to have a place to live (they were living out a car) and make sure you can survive and THEN send what is left to them? I don't know if I will ever not think that Levera as a contributing factor because she doesn't work and just kept asking for more. It was stupid.

What a clusterfuck. 

Post Op Update 3

It's been several days and and I am down to 217, which is freaking awesome. 25 pounds down so far. 

In the last week, I have learned NOT to do too much of any exercise, because when I did some arm ones, the whole evening and next day, I was in pain and sore and I thought it was my kidneys! But not, it was just these poor muscles that were abused because they were not used to it. So I took a couple days off and then started it back with a smaller amount being done each time.

Food, that has been interesting too. I would have thought I would be able to eat the whole 1/4 cup of tuna salad, but nope, first few days I was full before eating it all. I was very surprised by this. That fact I am in week 3 and haven't hit a stall yet is nice too, but I know it's coming. I track everything I eat and try to keep the carbs and sugars low. Calories don't matter as much thankfully! Protein and fluids are the priority first. And water still hurts to drink. Warm fluids are awesome, but cold ones and water are a struggle. What's also weird about that is I can eat popsicles fine and those are frozen. 

I am also tracking inches, and that has as rewarding as the pounds coming off. My calf has gone down an inch and I didn't think that was possible. 

Interesting things also. I have some specific WLS oatmeal, it's definitely better when using hot water vs cooking in the microwave. It's also better with a little bit extra cinnamon.

It's such a learning curve, all of it. You read all the posts and articles and whatnot and think you're prepared or at least aware of what is going to happen. But then you're home by yourself and trying to remember all this information and end up googling everything all over again.

But walking is good and getting better. Life is good in general. I am getting more energy which is soooo nice. AND! It seems my perimenopause is, well, paused. All the hormones releasing into my system has been super good and if anything it means I should go on HRT when I am back in it again. Plus, I am still scheduled for a hysterectomy later this year. I hope that going into a full on chemical menopause with HRT is a good thing. It's only a slight worry right now. I have several months before it happens and time to speak to dr's and whatnot.